A Prayer for my Birthday Boy

Oh, God, I ask your blessings on little Noah's life. I thank you for the loving, joyful spirit you have given him and I ask that as he grows, his daddy and I can encourage those Christlike character traits in him and teach him how to use his gifts for Your glory. I pray that you would take his little life in your hands and guide his steps, Lord. Help us to teach him Your ways as we go about our days, that we would point out Your Hand in creation, our blessings, and our trials. I pray that we would live victorious lives before him so that he can see as a young child that You are bigger than any trouble we as a family may face, and that You always guide our lives toward Your own glory. Lord, I ask that he would grow to be happy and that he would understand the true meaning of happiness - a life totally surrendered to his Maker and King. Help Jeremy and I to lay his life before you, God, and give us the grace to accept the hard times that you may bring into his life and the joy to celebrate the good times. I pray for the man he will one day become and the family he one day will lead, if it be Your will. May we train him for that day of service for our Lord. Thank you, for the blessing of being a mama to this sweet baby boy and for the celebration of his life in our family. Amen.

Happy Birthday, Noah!

We celebrated my baby's first birthday yesterday! Noah will be one May 26 and I cannot believe how this year has flown by so very quickly. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday and I feel so blessed to be this happy little guy's mama. I love you, Noah!
I thought I would share his birth story today. I was so thankful to the Lord for that day!
At 34 weeks, I was diagnosed with toxemia and put on partial bed rest. It was such a tough time for our family as I continued to keep my daycare open while visiting high risk ob/gyn's at UT, turning in lab work, doing stress tests and ultrasounds three times a week. We were thankful that Noah continued to grow well throughout this whole process and at 38 weeks, my midwife finally said that we had done enough and that baby Noah would be perfectly fine if he were born now. We determined on Monday's visit that we would induce the upcoming weekend. I remember telling her that I wished I could record myself praying for a natural labor and delivery and have it play around the clock because every time I breathed, I was praying. I had been induced with Isaac and I really didn't want to have to go that route again.
But then Tuesday night as I was getting ready for bed, I felt like tonight was the night. I had been having Braxton Hicks for 4 months but something just had felt different that day. I didn't say anything to Jeremy for fear of being wrong. =) {It's called pride, people, and it can get ugly}
We went to bed around 11:00 and I was awoken at 1:30 with what I thought were more Braxton Hicks. But I just couldn't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. I started getting butterflies in my stomach - could this be it?! I gave up on sleeping and got up to watch TV and time contractions. Well, what do you know? They were 7 min. apart for half an hour, 6 min. apart for half an hour, then I got down to 5 minutes apart. But I wasn't in any pain so I decided to experiment and see if the contractions were maybe just false labor. I took a long shower. Still contracting. I ate a bowl of cereal. Still contracting. I remember thinking, is the Lord really answering my prayer of a natural labor!?!?! Oh, me of little faith. =) After eating, I timed my contractions again. They were not really consistent but were increasing in intensity. It was about 5 a.m. and I really wanted to walk but didn't want to go by myself so I woke up my sister, Hannah. Hannah had flown in from WI to help me about four weeks earlier. I told her that I was pretty sure I was in labor and would she mind to go walk with me. I've never seen Hannah get out of bed and dressed that fast! haha! She was so excited! So we stepped out into a foggy, cool morning for a walk. At first, i was walking through the contractions only slowing down during a contraction. But then I got to where I would actually say aloud, "Keep walking, keep walking, keep....nope. gotta stop." And we'd stop while I swayed through the contraction which felt wonderful because I was already starting with back labor. I still couldn't believe that this was happening and i wanted to change that recording from please Lord, please Lord, please Lord, to THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD!
So anyway, as we're walking, we smell the BBQ starting up at Bread of Heaven, and it surely did smell heavenly! So Hannah and I decided to go to Hardee's for biscuits. That was NOT a smart idea! I did fine on the way there but on the way back we had a little incident. =) We were stopped at a red light when a contraction hit. The pressure was so intense that I couldn't lift my foot from the brake! The people behind me waited so patiently and didn't even honk as I couldn't move until the contraction let up.
Well, we got home in one piece and I woke up Jeremy to let him know that he wouldn't be going to work today and he needed to get up. I must not have sounded urgent or nervous because he just calmly walked off to the shower. I was left thinking, okay, that's okay. I'll be fine for another 30 minutes but then the contractions were about four minutes apart lasting a minute and my back was really beginning to hurt. So when he came out of the shower and started to fix breakfast I kind of flipped! I was like, forget breakfast! Take me to the birth center! =) So after taking one last photo as a family of three we headed off.
All the way to the birth center I felt like I was breathing thank you's to the Lord for this experience and that it had started naturally.
Once at the birthing center, I really felt best leaning on the back of a chair and swaying back and forth. Man did my back hurt! My tummy really didn't hurt at all, I just was feeling the intense tightening. My midwife checked me and I was almost halfway there at 4cm and 50% effaced. Yay!
We headed to the hospital where we learned that every pregnant woman in Knox County was also having her baby on May 26, and I would have to labor in triage with other women. Woo-hoo! Around 11:30, I was really feeling the pain and was blowing like a whale through the contractions. =) I had now been in active labor for 3 hours and Isaac had been born after 5 hours so I was fixing to get a little upset about not being in a room and not having been checked to see how I was progressing. Just as it was about to get ugly, they took me to my room. hallelujah! I was so excited I crossed the whole floor in the middle of a contraction. I just wanted to have some privacy and my own room! Once in my room, my midwife brought in the birthing ball. I LOVED THAT BIRTHING BALL! It really helped remind me to keep my body open and relaxed as a gently rolled on the ball. I had started making some vocalizations through the contractions, just letting my jaw open loosely. I would actually find myself smiling after a contraction! I visualized each contraction as a wave and as one would start I would think, "Okay, baby. We're gonna ride another one together. Ready? Here we go!" It was painful, of course, but keeping my whole body, included jaw open and loose made the contractions so much more manageable. Then I noticed that the sound was changing to a pushing or grunting noise even though I didn't feel like pushing. Addy, my midwife, checked me and sure enough, I was 7 cm and 95% effaced. That meant that I was in transition. I firmly believe that someone needs to come up for another term for this phase of labor. Transition seems to be such a gentle word and this phase is in no way gentle! In fact, I began to lose control of the pain. I quickly progressed to completely dilated and effaced and the pain was unimaginable. I remembered with Isaac that I had felt my body pushing whether I wanted to or not and pushing had actually relieved most of the pain. But it was nothing like that with Noah. He was trying to come out "sunny-side-up" or face up. That means that the largest part of his head had to work through the pelvis first, instead of the smallest part pushing through. So that was the reason for the horrible back labor and why pushing made me feel like my hips were ripping apart. The "vocalizations" quickly turned into screams and I apologize now to all my family that were witnessing Noah's birth. =) I had started half-heartedly pushing around 12:50 and at 1:30 Addy looked at me and said, "Rachel, it's time. You need to push this baby and he needs to be born. Push now." That's all it took, I started pushing through the pain. It was like my brain was so fogged with pain that I couldn't make that decision to push through by myself and I just needed someone else to take charge and tell me what to do. At 1:45pm on May 26, 2011, Noah Jackson Lane made his entrance into the world, my arms, and our hearts! I loved that slimy, stinky thing from the moment I laid eyes on him and that love has grown by leaps and bounds this year as I've had the privilege of watching him grow.
I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose - her method of childbirth that is. BUT, you can never have a bonding experience with your child like labor. The more you can be present in the moment and feeling everything your baby feels, the stronger that experience is. When I let go of my fear and embraced the "waves," I was able to experience the most amazing sensation a woman can have. The joy of feeling her little one fight his way out of the womb to meet his mommy. Nothing can compare.
Happy Birthday, Noah! Your mama loves you so very, very much!

Seek ye first.....

Wow! The Lord is so graciously yet again reminding me of my need for Him. It has been the hardest week I've had in months. But through it all, I have had to confess my selfishness in feeling like I needed sleep more than I needed time with my Savior. Why do I allow Satan to fool me in this way? I discover that I can't be effective at anything when I'm lacking in my quiet time. My husband has really needed me to be his helpmeet lately, and I feel that I have failed him so miserably. My students have not had their typically organized and "I-have-it-all-together" Mrs. Rachel in really two months. I keep blaming it on everything - new babies, sick boys, SO MANY DEMANDS ON MY DAY! - but truly, the heart of the matter is, well, my heart. My heart has not been yearning toward Jesus Christ and His Word. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things shall be added unto you." What alot I still have to learn. {sigh}
I hear my husband on the phone right now talking to our associate pastor about how he's been really praying for God to move in our church plant and how it's interesting that the Lord's shaken us up some. In ways that would seem to be negative. We've both just been emotionally exhausted. But I truly believe that God is simply drawing us closer to Himself and reminding us that we can only rely on His strength not our own. My goodness, do we mess things up when we try to do things within our own strength. I am so thankful for the Lord's mercy toward us and how He continues to reach out to us and give us gentle reminders of our need for Him.
Please be praying for our family and our church as we desire to become more like Christ every day. And pray that the Lord would continue to bar Satan and his distractions as we move forward.

What a Day!

Surprisngly, today has been really hard! Nothing has gone according to plan and I have been made well aware that just because I'm the mama in this house doesn't mean that I have everything under control. (Of course, I knew this before but sometimes it really hits me.)
Last night, our music director's wife emailed to let us know that they had been hit with the stomach flu. As backup music "person" I began to scramble to find music for today's service. I have very little oppurtunities during the week to play the piano, and I didn't really have time to practice so I was feeling lost and overwhelmed already late last night. I finally put together a couple of songs that I knew fairly well and could do alright with less than an hour's practice time. Then I had to think about the offeratory. We usually do a piano solo or special music during this time, and I remebered a song that I had heard my cousin sing a few months ago. I remembered that I had really liked the song, but didn't really remember the melody or lyrics. So I got on good ole Youtube to do some searching. I foung the song - it's "The Secret Place" by the Booth Brothers. I listened to it over and over and over....probably 20 times trying to get the melody and words down. By the time I made it to bed last night (this morning) I couldn't get the song out of my head! Every time I slightly woke up, I'd have the words singing in my head. Very annoying. And then about 4:30, Noah woke up crying and I just brought him to our bed. The alarm was set for 5:00 so I was praying for a VERY restful 30 minutes but I did not get what I asked for. =) I started cramping. Now I don't mean normal cramping, I mean I'm about to cry cramping. It let up a little after 20 minutes, enough for me to fall back asleep, but then I kept dreaming that Jeremy was taking me to the ER for the pain. No joke, I was seriously hurting. Needless to say, I did not get up at 5:00. In fact, I did not get up til 6:30! That was some major sleeping in, and it totally threw my morning out of wack! I ended up being almost 10 minutes late to teach Sunday School but the kids were being so patient waiting with their mama!
Some of you know that I have Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is a condition where the ovaries do not completely release the egg and the egg sits just at the edge of the ovary. A cyst then forms around that egg. The malfunctioning ovary also effects hormones, disturbing the body's "normal" balance. The body begins to produce too many "male" hormones and not enough "female." There are several symptoms that are produced and none of them fun. Obesity, acne, excessive facial and body hair, male-pattern baldness, just to name a few. Thankfully I don't struggle with all the symptoms but enough to try and make my life miserable. One other annoying symptom in IRREGULAR periods. So every month that passes, I'm faced with the emotional roller coaster of, "Am I not having a period because I'm just not gonna have one this month or am I not having one because I'm pregnant?" This inner turmoil can just wear you out mentally and emotionally. So my last cycle was March 14, and for 8 days now I've had that feeling of I'm just about to start. But, nope, just my body playing tricks on me. The thing that's worried me this week is that three times during the week, I've had excrutiating pain in my ovaries and tubes. Both sides. It lasts less than an hour but it is so painful. I'm beginning to wonder of one of those little cysts may be enlarging and feeling with fluid and is causing the pain. I'm not sure, I've not really experienced a week like this before. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday to talk about treatment options for my PCOS, a lump on my breast, and something else that's a little TMI for a blog. All these things have been worrying me this week and to top it off, the boys are both getting tubes put it tomorrow morning at 7:00. I'm soooo very thankful we're getting this done but it is a little scary, too. I hope they do well.
Okay, I said all that to simply say that I was TIRED this morning. Then there was this song, bear with me I'll have to share it with for this story to continue:

My heart is like a house,
One day I let my Savior in.
There were many rooms,
where we would visit now and then.
Then one day he saw that door,
and I had feared this day would come.
So I said Jesus, I'm not ready
for us to visit in this room.

Cause there's a place in my heart
where even I don't go.
I've got some things hidden there,
I don't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
So let me in your secret place.

So I opened up that door,
and the two of us walked in.
I was so ashamed,
you see His light uncovered all my sin.
But when I think about that room now,
I don't have to be afraid
Cause my hidden sin
No longer hides behind that door!

Cause that was a place in my heart
where even I didn't go.
I had some things hidden there,
I didn't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
I let Him in my secret place.
Is there a place in your heart?
Where even you don't go?
You've got some things hidden there
You don't want no on to know.
See He's handing you the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He will make you clean,
Let Him in your secret place.

So this morning, thinking about that song as we got ready for church, I thought, I don't believe I have a "secret place" like that. Then -whamo!- the Holy Sirit did what He is so good at. He led me to that door in my heart that I pretend isn't there. And I thought, great! I am never gonna make it through this song without crying. And sure enough, I didn't. :) And I forgot the words a couple of times and made up my own. lol! But let me share with you my secret place.
Very few people know the struggle I have to keep my house clean and straightened. Very few will see it any way except clean, but for those of you who have - you know what a hard time I have in this area. It's not that I was never taught because my mother is an amazing housekeeper. But my life is nothing like hers was and I have some major time management issues. Most of the time, I don't even feel guilty about it because I don't know what to do about it. I can make a list of what I need to do every day. That's easy.
Every day:
Make beds
Wash dishes
One load of laundry (at least)
Keep toys picked up
Clean up from kids snacks and meals
Sweep living room
Mop living room
Clean front hall toilet
Clean front hall sink and mirror
Sweep front hall bathroom floor
Mop front hall bathroom floor

These things MUST be done every day because of the amount of kids who use the bathroom every day and all the kids that puke and poop on the living room floor. I used to do all these things during nap time but recently, two of my babies' have decided to take a nap at 10:30 which means that they are usually waking up when everyone else in laying down. By the time I've fed them both, changed their diapers, cleaned up from lunch and swept the floor, the big kids are waking up. Then my kids are normally all picked up by 5:45 so then I need to do supper, then it's play time with just Jeremy, me and the boys. Then it's bath time, Bible and prayer time and bed time. Noah goes to sleep easily but it usually takes Isaac about an hour to go to sleep. By the time everyone's actually asleep, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by the mess in the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry that needs to be folded and put away and I just throw up my hands and give up! I don't really know how to fix this problems except that this is a character flaw in my and I need to work on building more Christlike character traits into my daily life. But why, you say, is this your secret place? Because for one, I'm ashamed of my home and the way I keep it and I try to pretend the situation doesn't exist. And also because, I've been arrogant enough to believe that I could do it on my own strength. I guess I just have this idea that because I'm the mama, I'm supoosed to be able to handle all my responsibilities and juggle all the balls and wear all the hats without any upsets. I've NEVER looked to the Lord for help in this area in my life, and I think this morning the Lord decided I needed a mega dose of humble pie to help me realize that not only is He my only hope of salvation and eternal life, but He is my only hope for life on this life. I cannot succeed in my role as wife and mom unless I fully rely on Him. I really don't know how things are going to change but like I told the church this morning, I am so very thankful that He is my strength in my weakness, because right now I am feeling very weak. I understand that if I can do everything within my own power, then I can't glorify the Lord, only myself. So I'm choosing to glory in my weakness and rely on the power of God this week. To get me through doctor's appointments and through my daily duties.
Please pray for me, dear friends, as I struggle to present a Godly legacy for my children and my children's children.

Happy Mother's Day!

I LOVE being a mother! As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mommy, and I am so blessed to be the mother of two beautiful little boys. Isaac and Noah are my little joys. There are several things that they are doing now that just warm me all over and make me so proud of the little men that they're becoming.
Isaac sometimes, (very rarely) will have a bit of a meltdown. Usually because he's tired or hungry. Not long ago, after having one of these episodes, he came to me and said, "Mommy, I okay now," then went off to play. It's like his way of saying he's sorry for crying. He's always been a serious little kid that hardly ever cried. In fact, I used to literally have to give him permission to cry after he'd been hurt. He would hold the crying in while huge tears would just pour down his cheecks. As soon as I'd say, "Baby, you can cry if you need to." Bmmmwhaaaa!!!!!!!! So sweet - he thinks he's so much bigger and tougher than he really is. He has no problems taking on kids that are four times his size either. He's the typical oldest child who was born feeling a responsibility for his home and family. And I love how much he loves his baby brother, Noah. They are so sweet together. Last Saturday, the whole family was in the bed slowly waking up. I rolled over to see Isaac and Noah cuddled up together, and Isaac was rubbing Noah's back and patting his diaper. Such a sweet big brother!
Noah seems to learn something new every day! He loves to wave and say, "Bye!" and he has started giving five. He says Mama, Dadda, Isaac, diaper, and yes. :) I am so enjoying his lovey personality. Every time I pick him up, he gives me a hug and wants to give big slobbery, snotty kisses - on the mouth, of course! I try to "turn the other cheek." Hahaha! And I'm also loving that he's a Mama's boy!!!! Yay!!!! Isaac has just in the last few months enjoyed giving me hugs, just because he's always been a Daddy's boy. It's been rewarding watching his relationship with Jeremy but I have to admit that I love having a baby that's all mama's.
The best Mother's Day gift I can think of would be time with my boys and their amazing Daddy. I know I'm with them all day but it's just not the same when my attention is being pulled toward five other little ones. I'm very thankful for every one of them as well! It's so good for my boys to learn patience and kindness. They've never been able to have what they want, when they want it. They never complain about what we're eating or what we're playing with, because they've learned early on that the world does not revolve around them. For some people, I realize that this may seem sad and that all kids should feel this way. Well, in some respects, I feel the same way. BUT, my goal for the boys is that they would grow up learning Christlike character and learning how to apply it to their lives. What better time to start that learning than at birth! I pray that they will be happy in the truest since of the word: knowing who they are in the Lord and surrendering their lives to His will. Isn't it amazing that we cannot be truly happy with ourselves and our lives until we give up our control over them?
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with these two boys and I pray that Jeremy and I would raise them to live for you and that our family would glorify you!
Happy Mother's Day!

The Purity of the Family

This Sunday, Jeremy preached on having a biblical view of marriage and family. He talked about how husbands should guard the purity of his wife and family in not asking them to do something against their conscience or convictions. The first thing that came to my mind when thinking of purity was modesty.

I often hear people complain about the way young girls are dressed inappropriately, and they ask, "Where is that girl's father? What in the world were her parents thinking when they let her go out that door!?" Well, let me tell you what I think the problem is. It's not so much that the father is to blame, but the mother. You see, if we as mom's tell our daughters that they can't wear such and such because it shows too much skin, then we are faced with the fact that maybe we wear things that show too much skin. A good rule for women when they are getting dressed, is to look at themselves in the mirror and say, "Would I want my daughter to wear this?"
I can already hear you saying, "Well, guys need to learn how to guard their eyes! If they are thinking sexual thoughts when they look at me then that's their problem, not mine!" I can understand unbelievers having this mindset but not the body of Christ. We have a responsibility to protect the purity of the church and that includes our Christian brothers. When you dress in a manner that causes a man to have to struggle to keep his eyes and flesh under control, then you are not protecting your brother in the Lord.
Men, do not be afraid to say, "Babe, I would love for you to wear that around the house where I can see it, but I'd rather you not wear that where other men can see you." And wives, don't be offended if your husband says something to you about the way you're dressed. Be thankful that he's willing to be obedient to God's Word and protect not only your purity but the purity of the Church.
About the whole "men should just learn to guard their eyes" argument. We know that men respond sexually to visual stimulation while women respond more to touch. So what if we allowed our sons to touch other girls inappropriately - in ways that could cause them to struggle with the lust of the flesh? Would we blame her when she responded to the boy in a sexual way? Would we say, "Well, you should learn to guard your responses. It's not the boy's fault that you were turned on when he touched you"? I think most of us as parents would be highly offended to hear that a boy treated our daughter this way. Why then do we allow our girls to parade in front of young men with more skin showing than covered? And then blame the boy for his natural responses?
This is an area that the church needs to take a stand and say, we are going to be Christlike even in our dress! Please realize that this is something I struggle with as well. I enjoy dressing in a way that draws attention. It makes me feel good about myself. But I need to be careful of crossing that line between being attractive and being immodest. A good way to do this is to ask Jeremy about what happens to my clothing when I lean over to talk to the children. Does my neckline fall open, showing more than needs to be seen? Does my hemline hike up so that you can see my thighs? He's a man. Your husband is the best resource for letting you know when something you are wearing is too revealing.
It's time for the Bride of Christ to resemble Christ more than the world in this area. And it's time for the ladies of the Church to decide that protecting their purity and the purity of the Church is more important than wanting to feel accepted by our culture.