Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, today I turned the ripe old age of 27. =) But the day did not meet my expectations and therefore it was a day of disappointments. Now I know all the "Bible" answers to my problem.....count my blessings and such. And yes, the Lord has blessed me far more than I deserve. But I'm just being real here. I was disappointed today.

First disappointment of the day: As I was sorting laundry and trying to go through all of the boys clothes (we're having a yard sale next month) I felt disappointment in myself. Why had I not done this 6 months ago? Why did I wait until their drawers are overflowing to the point that they will not shut and that their closet is bursting at the seams? Fail, fail, fail.....

Second disappointment of the day: My husband was so sweet to give me a clothesline for my birthday. Seriously, I am super excited about getting it up! We went to Lowe's yesterday to get the supplies. He also took me to dinner and a movie, but there were several things that happened today that disappointed me. My expectations for my husband were unrealistic. Guess what that means? I frustrate him and myself when those expectations aren't met. I am 100% sure that he would say I disappointed him today as well. Why can't I be a better wife? Fail, fail, fail......

And the biggest, most deeply rooted disappointment of all? We watched What to Expect When You're Expecting tonight. Now follow me....we wanted to see Mirror, Mirror but it wasn't playing for another hour and so we decided to see WTEWYE. (lol...I'm too lazy to type it all out) From the previews it looked cute and funny. And it was. BUT.....here's the kicker....it also dealt with a couple of issues that I try not to dwell on. One couple struggles with infertility and decides to adopt. Another couple loses their baby early in the pregnancy. Do you see it now? Several times during the movie, I found myself laughing then crying. And not because I was laughing so hard tears were running down my cheeks. But because I so identified with those couples. We lost a baby in early November, and every since then my cycles have been way out of whack. I'm not really sure that I'm even ovulating anymore. We both would love to have another one but....fail, fail, fail.....  This fail strikes hard in the very core of my heart. The disappointment and heartache very nearly overwhelm me.

I always try to allow myself the permission to truly feel and be present in my emotions, but then to acknowledge the truth. Is what I'm feeling TRUE according to the truth of God's Word? Let's look.

1) God LOVES me......wow.....this just blows my mind. God loved me so much that while I was still in sin, He accepted His Son's sacrifice in my place so that He could have a relationship with me. Wowza! The truth is that no matter what, I'm still a precious jewel in the sight of God and He is pleased to call me His child. Praise the Lord!

2) My failures are merely pointers to the comfort of our Christ. Romans 8:28 - "We are assured and KNOW that God being a partner in our labor, all things works together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose." When I feel insufficient, it's because I am. But praise God, He Is!!!! And He is working every feeling, event, and disappointment for my good so that I can accomplish the design and purpose He has for my life. There is such COMFORT in that, don't you agree?! Comfort and humility.

I understand that by feeling shame in myself, I am forced to look upon Him who bears my burdens, carried my cross, bore my sin, and victoriously lives again.

So, yes, happy birthday to me! I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for my overflowing closets, herioc husband, and even my empty womb. My peace, my rest, my fulfillment cannot be found in any of those things, but I know where to find it! At the feet of Jesus. Good night!

Put Your Armor On BEFORE The Battle

This morning I started a seven day Bible study on the power of prayer. This study is on the YouVersion app, which I love, love, love!

I thought it ironic that the passage for today is Matthew 2:2-4, 'And He went without food for forty days and nights, and He was hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, If you are God's son, command these stones to be made loaves of bread. But he replied, it is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.'

Ironic because Jeremy and I have been learning about fasting and how God created us to experience spiritual truths while fasting.

Something jumped out to me about this passage. During the forty days, Jesus was truly alone.....no disciples that constantly drew from him emotionally and spiritually as they needed to be taught, and no sick and dying hoping for a miracle from this God man. He was alone with the Father. And during this time he was able to prepare for spiritual battle with Satan.

I've noticed during this season of my life, I have wonderful, fulfilling, satisfying, FORTIFYING times with Jesus when things are smooth sailing. No distractions, no illnesses, no financial stress - well, less anyway. When a lot of stressors are thrown at me at once, I tend to spend less time with the Lord. And I've kind of beat myself up about that, but I learned something today.

My spiritual armor should be in good repair and already protecting me BEFORE Satan throws his fiery darts.

In the midst of battle is not the time to have lengthy conversations with the general. Yes, communication is still important, but we should already be familiar with the battle plan before we get in the thick of it. So, maybe I need to stop letting the enemy fill me with guilt about spending less time with Jesus when we're dealing with multiple crises. I just need to be careful not to become lax about that quality time in the Word when I'm able to put more time and energy into it. Take advantage of that quiet time to learn my general's heart and strategy, so that when the battles begin, I'm ready.

What do you think? Do you find it easier to spend quality time with the Father when there are fewer stresses in your life? How does this work for you?

Spiritual Spring Cleaning

Next week we will be hosting a mission team of six college students who are graciously taking their summer to minister to church plants. They will be spending Wednesday through Saturday with us. You know what that means......gotta clean the house!

We were the recipients of a miracle from God this week! A church donated literally thousands of dollars worth of church supplies and children's material to us. So each night this week, we have been at the church attempting to organize everything. So it's been after 11 pm before we headed home each evening. By the time we get the boys to bed and ru1b a load of laundry, it's well past midnight. Last night, we managed to get in bed earlier but as soon as my eyes had drifted shut, I heard Isaac coming out of his room. I opened my eyes to find him covered head to toe in huge angry welts. Yep, he had hives. So I was up with him a little over an hour applying lavender oil to his sad angry skin, and giving him Benadryl and steroids. Moral of the story? My house is a wreck from being gone each evening. I woke up this morning wondering if we could possibly do everything we needed to do today. But after having my quiet time this morning, I determined it was time for a physical and spiritual spring cleaning of our home. How are we going to do this? Not sure ;) But I have some ideas.

As we begin in each room, I'd like to sit with the boys and talk about ways we can glorify God in that room. We'll make a list, because I do so love making lists!, then pray a prayer of blessing and dedication over that room before moving to the next. My boys are 3 and just turned 2, so they may not understand exactly what we're doing, but I want them to know that our home is a blessing from God and we desire to please Him even if we are simply scrubbing toilets.

Deuteronomy 11:19 - And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you up...........and when you clean house :)

Post master cleanse

I'm finally sitting down to put together a review of our master cleanse. We've been so incredibly busy lately and I just haven't sat at the computer to type it up. I got smart and realized that maybe there was an app for blogger and I could do everything from my phone.....what do you know? There is! :) I really loved doing the cleanse mostly to prove to myself that I can do it! And I lost 15 lbs. So I was extremely excited about that! I started easing out on Day 7. My goal was 10 days but I had a sore throat and the lemon juice and cayenne pepper were fiery scalding pain going down. Friday, I didn't drink much lemon juice because of the pain, and I found myself getting really shaky and dehydrated. So Saturday morning I tried watering the juice down but it still hurt. Jeremy had started easing out Saturday morning and so I decided to do the same. Looking back, I quit at a really awful time. We had a breakfast at the church Sunday morning, had a lunch appointment with a potential worship leader, Monday was Noah's birthday parry followed by a family cookout, and I started my cycle Saturday. All those things conspired against me (along with my lack of self control) and I have since gained back 8 lbs. :( As soon as we started eating again, J had some diarrhea. But me? Nothing for four days and one and a half weeks later, I'm still having issues. So I figure four to five pounds are just from that problem. I was planning on continuing to drink the herbal laxative tea twice a day, but I had started drinking red  rasberry leaf tea three times a day and man, that's just a lot of tea for a girl that doesn't even like hot tea! I'm from the deep south where tea is sweet and cold, and that other stuff is barely tolerated. I plan on trying for another ten days after my birthday this weekend. Jeremy is taking me to a Thai restaurant my mother in law is making me chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and so I'll probably start back Sunday. I've actually quit taking my rasberry tea because it's not really helping my insulin issues so I'm going to start back on metformin and hopefully get my sugar under control. Typically during my cycle I have a really hard time with my sugar dropping too low, but I only had one day out of my nine day cycle where I felt yucky. And of course, I attribute that to having just done the cleanse. Can't wait to start it back!