Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, today I turned the ripe old age of 27. =) But the day did not meet my expectations and therefore it was a day of disappointments. Now I know all the "Bible" answers to my problem.....count my blessings and such. And yes, the Lord has blessed me far more than I deserve. But I'm just being real here. I was disappointed today.

First disappointment of the day: As I was sorting laundry and trying to go through all of the boys clothes (we're having a yard sale next month) I felt disappointment in myself. Why had I not done this 6 months ago? Why did I wait until their drawers are overflowing to the point that they will not shut and that their closet is bursting at the seams? Fail, fail, fail.....

Second disappointment of the day: My husband was so sweet to give me a clothesline for my birthday. Seriously, I am super excited about getting it up! We went to Lowe's yesterday to get the supplies. He also took me to dinner and a movie, but there were several things that happened today that disappointed me. My expectations for my husband were unrealistic. Guess what that means? I frustrate him and myself when those expectations aren't met. I am 100% sure that he would say I disappointed him today as well. Why can't I be a better wife? Fail, fail, fail......

And the biggest, most deeply rooted disappointment of all? We watched What to Expect When You're Expecting tonight. Now follow me....we wanted to see Mirror, Mirror but it wasn't playing for another hour and so we decided to see WTEWYE. (lol...I'm too lazy to type it all out) From the previews it looked cute and funny. And it was. BUT.....here's the kicker....it also dealt with a couple of issues that I try not to dwell on. One couple struggles with infertility and decides to adopt. Another couple loses their baby early in the pregnancy. Do you see it now? Several times during the movie, I found myself laughing then crying. And not because I was laughing so hard tears were running down my cheeks. But because I so identified with those couples. We lost a baby in early November, and every since then my cycles have been way out of whack. I'm not really sure that I'm even ovulating anymore. We both would love to have another one but....fail, fail, fail.....  This fail strikes hard in the very core of my heart. The disappointment and heartache very nearly overwhelm me.

I always try to allow myself the permission to truly feel and be present in my emotions, but then to acknowledge the truth. Is what I'm feeling TRUE according to the truth of God's Word? Let's look.

1) God LOVES me......wow.....this just blows my mind. God loved me so much that while I was still in sin, He accepted His Son's sacrifice in my place so that He could have a relationship with me. Wowza! The truth is that no matter what, I'm still a precious jewel in the sight of God and He is pleased to call me His child. Praise the Lord!

2) My failures are merely pointers to the comfort of our Christ. Romans 8:28 - "We are assured and KNOW that God being a partner in our labor, all things works together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose." When I feel insufficient, it's because I am. But praise God, He Is!!!! And He is working every feeling, event, and disappointment for my good so that I can accomplish the design and purpose He has for my life. There is such COMFORT in that, don't you agree?! Comfort and humility.

I understand that by feeling shame in myself, I am forced to look upon Him who bears my burdens, carried my cross, bore my sin, and victoriously lives again.

So, yes, happy birthday to me! I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for my overflowing closets, herioc husband, and even my empty womb. My peace, my rest, my fulfillment cannot be found in any of those things, but I know where to find it! At the feet of Jesus. Good night!

Put Your Armor On BEFORE The Battle

This morning I started a seven day Bible study on the power of prayer. This study is on the YouVersion app, which I love, love, love!

I thought it ironic that the passage for today is Matthew 2:2-4, 'And He went without food for forty days and nights, and He was hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, If you are God's son, command these stones to be made loaves of bread. But he replied, it is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.'

Ironic because Jeremy and I have been learning about fasting and how God created us to experience spiritual truths while fasting.

Something jumped out to me about this passage. During the forty days, Jesus was truly alone.....no disciples that constantly drew from him emotionally and spiritually as they needed to be taught, and no sick and dying hoping for a miracle from this God man. He was alone with the Father. And during this time he was able to prepare for spiritual battle with Satan.

I've noticed during this season of my life, I have wonderful, fulfilling, satisfying, FORTIFYING times with Jesus when things are smooth sailing. No distractions, no illnesses, no financial stress - well, less anyway. When a lot of stressors are thrown at me at once, I tend to spend less time with the Lord. And I've kind of beat myself up about that, but I learned something today.

My spiritual armor should be in good repair and already protecting me BEFORE Satan throws his fiery darts.

In the midst of battle is not the time to have lengthy conversations with the general. Yes, communication is still important, but we should already be familiar with the battle plan before we get in the thick of it. So, maybe I need to stop letting the enemy fill me with guilt about spending less time with Jesus when we're dealing with multiple crises. I just need to be careful not to become lax about that quality time in the Word when I'm able to put more time and energy into it. Take advantage of that quiet time to learn my general's heart and strategy, so that when the battles begin, I'm ready.

What do you think? Do you find it easier to spend quality time with the Father when there are fewer stresses in your life? How does this work for you?

Spiritual Spring Cleaning

Next week we will be hosting a mission team of six college students who are graciously taking their summer to minister to church plants. They will be spending Wednesday through Saturday with us. You know what that means......gotta clean the house!

We were the recipients of a miracle from God this week! A church donated literally thousands of dollars worth of church supplies and children's material to us. So each night this week, we have been at the church attempting to organize everything. So it's been after 11 pm before we headed home each evening. By the time we get the boys to bed and ru1b a load of laundry, it's well past midnight. Last night, we managed to get in bed earlier but as soon as my eyes had drifted shut, I heard Isaac coming out of his room. I opened my eyes to find him covered head to toe in huge angry welts. Yep, he had hives. So I was up with him a little over an hour applying lavender oil to his sad angry skin, and giving him Benadryl and steroids. Moral of the story? My house is a wreck from being gone each evening. I woke up this morning wondering if we could possibly do everything we needed to do today. But after having my quiet time this morning, I determined it was time for a physical and spiritual spring cleaning of our home. How are we going to do this? Not sure ;) But I have some ideas.

As we begin in each room, I'd like to sit with the boys and talk about ways we can glorify God in that room. We'll make a list, because I do so love making lists!, then pray a prayer of blessing and dedication over that room before moving to the next. My boys are 3 and just turned 2, so they may not understand exactly what we're doing, but I want them to know that our home is a blessing from God and we desire to please Him even if we are simply scrubbing toilets.

Deuteronomy 11:19 - And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you up...........and when you clean house :)

Post master cleanse

I'm finally sitting down to put together a review of our master cleanse. We've been so incredibly busy lately and I just haven't sat at the computer to type it up. I got smart and realized that maybe there was an app for blogger and I could do everything from my phone.....what do you know? There is! :) I really loved doing the cleanse mostly to prove to myself that I can do it! And I lost 15 lbs. So I was extremely excited about that! I started easing out on Day 7. My goal was 10 days but I had a sore throat and the lemon juice and cayenne pepper were fiery scalding pain going down. Friday, I didn't drink much lemon juice because of the pain, and I found myself getting really shaky and dehydrated. So Saturday morning I tried watering the juice down but it still hurt. Jeremy had started easing out Saturday morning and so I decided to do the same. Looking back, I quit at a really awful time. We had a breakfast at the church Sunday morning, had a lunch appointment with a potential worship leader, Monday was Noah's birthday parry followed by a family cookout, and I started my cycle Saturday. All those things conspired against me (along with my lack of self control) and I have since gained back 8 lbs. :( As soon as we started eating again, J had some diarrhea. But me? Nothing for four days and one and a half weeks later, I'm still having issues. So I figure four to five pounds are just from that problem. I was planning on continuing to drink the herbal laxative tea twice a day, but I had started drinking red  rasberry leaf tea three times a day and man, that's just a lot of tea for a girl that doesn't even like hot tea! I'm from the deep south where tea is sweet and cold, and that other stuff is barely tolerated. I plan on trying for another ten days after my birthday this weekend. Jeremy is taking me to a Thai restaurant my mother in law is making me chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and so I'll probably start back Sunday. I've actually quit taking my rasberry tea because it's not really helping my insulin issues so I'm going to start back on metformin and hopefully get my sugar under control. Typically during my cycle I have a really hard time with my sugar dropping too low, but I only had one day out of my nine day cycle where I felt yucky. And of course, I attribute that to having just done the cleanse. Can't wait to start it back!

Master Cleanse Day 3

Today went really well, and I felt better today than I did yesterday. Yesterday evening I was a little on the grumpy side. = ) It seemed like my mental clarity was greatly improved today. I didn't feel as tired or have that I'm living in a fog feeling that I've had lately. I do think I've been hungrier today. Probably because my digestive system is truly empty and everything just runs right through. So I've drunk about twice as much lemon juice than I have been.

I have also started experiencing some detox symptoms, which I was told to expect between days 3 and 7. Well, it's day 3 and I'm feeling it! lol! I've had a touch of nausea this evening. Nothing major, just every now and then I feel a little twinge of yuckiness. I've also had some joint achiness. Again, nothing major, but I have noticed that my lower back feels achy when I bend over.

I made bread for the boys today and oh....my.....GOODNESS! did the house smell wonderful! I have noticed that I'm beginning to appreciate food for other reasons besides flavor. My sense of smell seems to be greater and I'm paying more attention to the texture and color of food. I think that's a good thing. Hopefully, once I'm finished with the cleanse and begin eating again, I won't just scarf food down without paying attention to what I'm eating. I've heard other people say that once they begin to eat again, they notice so many different layers of flavor in the foods than they did before and take time to really enjoy what they're eating. That's definitely a good thing.

Update on Noah: He's done much better today. Only had one dose of Motrin this morning when he got up and he was fine all day. He ate better and played better. I put him to bed about 9 and he woke up an hour later crying so I gave him more medicine, a cup of milk, and a scoop of ice cream. There's another example of how I'm noticing different things about food - I stir his ice cream a little bit before giving it to him so it's softer in his month, and I can't help but notice the beautiful smooth texture of it. = ) Looks like a Wendy's frosty! Maybe I'm just becoming obsessed? lol! I also noticed that as I fixed the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on our homemade whole wheat oatmeal bread, I was content just to smell the yumminess and had no desire to eat it. Yay! That's encouraging.

This past weekend I attended New Director's Academy at the Pampered Chef home office in Chicago. The first day of training I wore a pair of capris that were size 8 and they were a bit snug in the waist. Yesterday, I wore a pair of dress pants that were a size 6 and they were quite comfortable. So....whoopee for me!! I've not worn a 6 since I was first married 6 1/2 years ago! I'm excited to see how the rest of this cleanse goes!

Master Cleanse Day 2

Today has gone fairly well! I have craved food today. I've not been hungry but my brain is still telling me to chew on something. = ) I fixed fried skillet potatoes for the boys and they SMELLED....SO....GOOD! Jeremy had to go to the garden, (he's doing this with me, started today) and I told him how nice it must be to leave the house while I'm cooking! That way he doesn't have to smell it and fix their plates, and want to eat the piece of golden brown, crispy, greasy potato that fell off Noah's plate!! ARGHH!!!

It's been a horrible day in some ways because both of my boys have hand, foot, and mouth disease. Isaac is okay but Noah is difficult to comfort, especially when he's not feeling well. He comes over and wants me to pick him up, but once I have him, he's still crying and fights to get back down. <sigh> And we had the worst! ever! doctor's appointment with him. He was walking over to get measured and tripped over the scale, and hit his head on the corner of a cabinet. So he pretty much was mad the rest of the visit. He cried at everything and didn't want anyone to touch him. So one of the nurses brought him a popsicle, and he had half of it then proceeded to drop it into the trash can. I, of course, wouldn't let him dig it back out to eat, so that provoked a screaming and crying fit. The nurse brought in another one, but no, he didn't want that one. He wanted the one in the trashcan.

The boys are already bathed and had their dinner and it's only 6:10 pm so I'm hoping to get them in bed very soon and I'm hoping we actually get to sleep tonight......but I'm not holding my breath.

Master Cleanse Day 1

So today I began the Master Cleanse. It's been alright. Not been hungry but everytime I go through the kitchen, my brain says, "Oh! You've not eaten anything today! Maybe you should grab a banana or a bite out of the kids' plates that they didn't finish." My brain is confused. Haha! But so far the belly is doing fine.


Here's the why, and what of the Cleanse:




WHY
I was looking up information on colon cleanses and detox systems online when I came across the Master Cleanse. It was something I could do myself, was inexpensive and has been around for many years with thousands upon thousands having success with it. This may be TMI, but I have been constipated since the day I was born, literally. At the worst, I had once monthly movements. Yea, not good. It's not that bad now, but I was starting to get desperate and that's why I was looking up the info to begin with. I discovered an added bonus, however while reading testimonials and watching youtube vlogs: People lose weight on this thing! Woo-hoo! I can handle that. lol! We actually started a 100 days of real food pledge a few weeks ago, and I really like the idea of detoxing and purging all the nasty stuff we've been eating in the past as we're still in the beginning stages of our pledge. So my goals are cleansing, detoxing and weight loss.
WHAT
The Master Cleanse is a detox/fast diet. I drink an herbal senna tea in the morning and evening and eat nothing! Crazy, I know. The main part of the detox is the lemon juice I mix up. It's fresh lemon juice, maple syrup (to keep up my caloric intake) and cayenne pepper. That's it. It's really yummy! I'm a big fan of spicy foods, so I made my lemon juice a little on the hot side. Actually, a lot on the hot side. It tastes like a fiery lemonade. Love it! We use organic maple syrup grade b, and it has a lot of vitamins and minerals in it so with that plus the calories, my body is still getting what it needs just in liquid form. 




The Cleanse recommends a minimum of 10 days and max of 45. My goal is to take it 10 days at a time. After the first 10 days if I feel like I'm done, I'll be done. If I feel like I need to keep up the detox, I'll keep going. 


Our chiropractor said that I'd be surprised how even if I didn't start this as a spiritual fast, it will become spiritual. I believe God made our bodies to connect better with the spirit when fasting. Think about it - God asked the Jews to fast on a regular basis so it would be good for us to do now as well! So, I am committing to spend a good portion of time in quiet time and studying during this fast. I'm focusing on praying for our church. I sense discouragement and hopelessness creeping in to our tiny congregation. I particularly want to petition the Lord for spiritual growth within the hearts of every member and a renewed passion for the Great Commission. Part of praying for my church is praying for my husband. So I'm going to also focus on lifting Jeremy up. That God would protect is heart from discouragement and compromise. 


So that's it! I'll try to update every couple of days so you can help me track my success. Oh, my weight....hmmmm.....actually don't have a scale right now but if it's the same it's been for months....I'm probably about 150 lbs. Hopefully that will go down. We'd love to have another baby and it's hard for us with my PCOS. BUT my PCOS symptoms get a ton better as I lose weight so here's to happy baby thoughts. Lol!