Yes, today I turned the ripe old age of 27. =) But the day did not meet my expectations and therefore it was a day of disappointments. Now I know all the "Bible" answers to my problem.....count my blessings and such. And yes, the Lord has blessed me far more than I deserve. But I'm just being real here. I was disappointed today.
First disappointment of the day: As I was sorting laundry and trying to go through all of the boys clothes (we're having a yard sale next month) I felt disappointment in myself. Why had I not done this 6 months ago? Why did I wait until their drawers are overflowing to the point that they will not shut and that their closet is bursting at the seams? Fail, fail, fail.....
Second disappointment of the day: My husband was so sweet to give me a clothesline for my birthday. Seriously, I am super excited about getting it up! We went to Lowe's yesterday to get the supplies. He also took me to dinner and a movie, but there were several things that happened today that disappointed me. My expectations for my husband were unrealistic. Guess what that means? I frustrate him and myself when those expectations aren't met. I am 100% sure that he would say I disappointed him today as well. Why can't I be a better wife? Fail, fail, fail......
And the biggest, most deeply rooted disappointment of all? We watched What to Expect When You're Expecting tonight. Now follow me....we wanted to see Mirror, Mirror but it wasn't playing for another hour and so we decided to see WTEWYE. (lol...I'm too lazy to type it all out) From the previews it looked cute and funny. And it was. BUT.....here's the kicker....it also dealt with a couple of issues that I try not to dwell on. One couple struggles with infertility and decides to adopt. Another couple loses their baby early in the pregnancy. Do you see it now? Several times during the movie, I found myself laughing then crying. And not because I was laughing so hard tears were running down my cheeks. But because I so identified with those couples. We lost a baby in early November, and every since then my cycles have been way out of whack. I'm not really sure that I'm even ovulating anymore. We both would love to have another one but....fail, fail, fail..... This fail strikes hard in the very core of my heart. The disappointment and heartache very nearly overwhelm me.
I always try to allow myself the permission to truly feel and be present in my emotions, but then to acknowledge the truth. Is what I'm feeling TRUE according to the truth of God's Word? Let's look.
1) God LOVES me......wow.....this just blows my mind. God loved me so much that while I was still in sin, He accepted His Son's sacrifice in my place so that He could have a relationship with me. Wowza! The truth is that no matter what, I'm still a precious jewel in the sight of God and He is pleased to call me His child. Praise the Lord!
2) My failures are merely pointers to the comfort of our Christ. Romans 8:28 - "We are assured and KNOW that God being a partner in our labor, all things works together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose." When I feel insufficient, it's because I am. But praise God, He Is!!!! And He is working every feeling, event, and disappointment for my good so that I can accomplish the design and purpose He has for my life. There is such COMFORT in that, don't you agree?! Comfort and humility.
I understand that by feeling shame in myself, I am forced to look upon Him who bears my burdens, carried my cross, bore my sin, and victoriously lives again.
So, yes, happy birthday to me! I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for my overflowing closets, herioc husband, and even my empty womb. My peace, my rest, my fulfillment cannot be found in any of those things, but I know where to find it! At the feet of Jesus. Good night!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Put Your Armor On BEFORE The Battle
This morning I started a seven day Bible study on the power of prayer. This study is on the YouVersion app, which I love, love, love!
I thought it ironic that the passage for today is Matthew 2:2-4, 'And He went without food for forty days and nights, and He was hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, If you are God's son, command these stones to be made loaves of bread. But he replied, it is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.'
Ironic because Jeremy and I have been learning about fasting and how God created us to experience spiritual truths while fasting.
Something jumped out to me about this passage. During the forty days, Jesus was truly alone.....no disciples that constantly drew from him emotionally and spiritually as they needed to be taught, and no sick and dying hoping for a miracle from this God man. He was alone with the Father. And during this time he was able to prepare for spiritual battle with Satan.
I've noticed during this season of my life, I have wonderful, fulfilling, satisfying, FORTIFYING times with Jesus when things are smooth sailing. No distractions, no illnesses, no financial stress - well, less anyway. When a lot of stressors are thrown at me at once, I tend to spend less time with the Lord. And I've kind of beat myself up about that, but I learned something today.
My spiritual armor should be in good repair and already protecting me BEFORE Satan throws his fiery darts.
In the midst of battle is not the time to have lengthy conversations with the general. Yes, communication is still important, but we should already be familiar with the battle plan before we get in the thick of it. So, maybe I need to stop letting the enemy fill me with guilt about spending less time with Jesus when we're dealing with multiple crises. I just need to be careful not to become lax about that quality time in the Word when I'm able to put more time and energy into it. Take advantage of that quiet time to learn my general's heart and strategy, so that when the battles begin, I'm ready.
What do you think? Do you find it easier to spend quality time with the Father when there are fewer stresses in your life? How does this work for you?
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Spiritual Spring Cleaning
Next week we will be hosting a mission team of six college students who are graciously taking their summer to minister to church plants. They will be spending Wednesday through Saturday with us. You know what that means......gotta clean the house!
We were the recipients of a miracle from God this week! A church donated literally thousands of dollars worth of church supplies and children's material to us. So each night this week, we have been at the church attempting to organize everything. So it's been after 11 pm before we headed home each evening. By the time we get the boys to bed and ru1b a load of laundry, it's well past midnight. Last night, we managed to get in bed earlier but as soon as my eyes had drifted shut, I heard Isaac coming out of his room. I opened my eyes to find him covered head to toe in huge angry welts. Yep, he had hives. So I was up with him a little over an hour applying lavender oil to his sad angry skin, and giving him Benadryl and steroids. Moral of the story? My house is a wreck from being gone each evening. I woke up this morning wondering if we could possibly do everything we needed to do today. But after having my quiet time this morning, I determined it was time for a physical and spiritual spring cleaning of our home. How are we going to do this? Not sure ;) But I have some ideas.
As we begin in each room, I'd like to sit with the boys and talk about ways we can glorify God in that room. We'll make a list, because I do so love making lists!, then pray a prayer of blessing and dedication over that room before moving to the next. My boys are 3 and just turned 2, so they may not understand exactly what we're doing, but I want them to know that our home is a blessing from God and we desire to please Him even if we are simply scrubbing toilets.
Deuteronomy 11:19 - And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you up...........and when you clean house :)
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Post master cleanse
I'm finally sitting down to put together a review of our master cleanse. We've been so incredibly busy lately and I just haven't sat at the computer to type it up. I got smart and realized that maybe there was an app for blogger and I could do everything from my phone.....what do you know? There is! :)
I really loved doing the cleanse mostly to prove to myself that I can do it! And I lost 15 lbs. So I was extremely excited about that! I started easing out on Day 7. My goal was 10 days but I had a sore throat and the lemon juice and cayenne pepper were fiery scalding pain going down. Friday, I didn't drink much lemon juice because of the pain, and I found myself getting really shaky and dehydrated. So Saturday morning I tried watering the juice down but it still hurt. Jeremy had started easing out Saturday morning and so I decided to do the same. Looking back, I quit at a really awful time. We had a breakfast at the church Sunday morning, had a lunch appointment with a potential worship leader, Monday was Noah's birthday parry followed by a family cookout, and I started my cycle Saturday. All those things conspired against me (along with my lack of self control) and I have since gained back 8 lbs. :( As soon as we started eating again, J had some diarrhea. But me? Nothing for four days and one and a half weeks later, I'm still having issues. So I figure four to five pounds are just from that problem. I was planning on continuing to drink the herbal laxative tea twice a day, but I had started drinking red rasberry leaf tea three times a day and man, that's just a lot of tea for a girl that doesn't even like hot tea! I'm from the deep south where tea is sweet and cold, and that other stuff is barely tolerated.
I plan on trying for another ten days after my birthday this weekend. Jeremy is taking me to a Thai restaurant my mother in law is making me chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and so I'll probably start back Sunday.
I've actually quit taking my rasberry tea because it's not really helping my insulin issues so I'm going to start back on metformin and hopefully get my sugar under control. Typically during my cycle I have a really hard time with my sugar dropping too low, but I only had one day out of my nine day cycle where I felt yucky. And of course, I attribute that to having just done the cleanse. Can't wait to start it back!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Master Cleanse Day 3
I have also started experiencing some detox symptoms, which I was told to expect between days 3 and 7. Well, it's day 3 and I'm feeling it! lol! I've had a touch of nausea this evening. Nothing major, just every now and then I feel a little twinge of yuckiness. I've also had some joint achiness. Again, nothing major, but I have noticed that my lower back feels achy when I bend over.
I made bread for the boys today and oh....my.....GOODNESS! did the house smell wonderful! I have noticed that I'm beginning to appreciate food for other reasons besides flavor. My sense of smell seems to be greater and I'm paying more attention to the texture and color of food. I think that's a good thing. Hopefully, once I'm finished with the cleanse and begin eating again, I won't just scarf food down without paying attention to what I'm eating. I've heard other people say that once they begin to eat again, they notice so many different layers of flavor in the foods than they did before and take time to really enjoy what they're eating. That's definitely a good thing.
Update on Noah: He's done much better today. Only had one dose of Motrin this morning when he got up and he was fine all day. He ate better and played better. I put him to bed about 9 and he woke up an hour later crying so I gave him more medicine, a cup of milk, and a scoop of ice cream. There's another example of how I'm noticing different things about food - I stir his ice cream a little bit before giving it to him so it's softer in his month, and I can't help but notice the beautiful smooth texture of it. = ) Looks like a Wendy's frosty! Maybe I'm just becoming obsessed? lol! I also noticed that as I fixed the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on our homemade whole wheat oatmeal bread, I was content just to smell the yumminess and had no desire to eat it. Yay! That's encouraging.
This past weekend I attended New Director's Academy at the Pampered Chef home office in Chicago. The first day of training I wore a pair of capris that were size 8 and they were a bit snug in the waist. Yesterday, I wore a pair of dress pants that were a size 6 and they were quite comfortable. So....whoopee for me!! I've not worn a 6 since I was first married 6 1/2 years ago! I'm excited to see how the rest of this cleanse goes!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Master Cleanse Day 2
Today has gone fairly well! I have craved food today. I've not been hungry but my brain is still telling me to chew on something. = ) I fixed fried skillet potatoes for the boys and they SMELLED....SO....GOOD! Jeremy had to go to the garden, (he's doing this with me, started today) and I told him how nice it must be to leave the house while I'm cooking! That way he doesn't have to smell it and fix their plates, and want to eat the piece of golden brown, crispy, greasy potato that fell off Noah's plate!! ARGHH!!!
It's been a horrible day in some ways because both of my boys have hand, foot, and mouth disease. Isaac is okay but Noah is difficult to comfort, especially when he's not feeling well. He comes over and wants me to pick him up, but once I have him, he's still crying and fights to get back down. <sigh> And we had the worst! ever! doctor's appointment with him. He was walking over to get measured and tripped over the scale, and hit his head on the corner of a cabinet. So he pretty much was mad the rest of the visit. He cried at everything and didn't want anyone to touch him. So one of the nurses brought him a popsicle, and he had half of it then proceeded to drop it into the trash can. I, of course, wouldn't let him dig it back out to eat, so that provoked a screaming and crying fit. The nurse brought in another one, but no, he didn't want that one. He wanted the one in the trashcan.
The boys are already bathed and had their dinner and it's only 6:10 pm so I'm hoping to get them in bed very soon and I'm hoping we actually get to sleep tonight......but I'm not holding my breath.
It's been a horrible day in some ways because both of my boys have hand, foot, and mouth disease. Isaac is okay but Noah is difficult to comfort, especially when he's not feeling well. He comes over and wants me to pick him up, but once I have him, he's still crying and fights to get back down. <sigh> And we had the worst! ever! doctor's appointment with him. He was walking over to get measured and tripped over the scale, and hit his head on the corner of a cabinet. So he pretty much was mad the rest of the visit. He cried at everything and didn't want anyone to touch him. So one of the nurses brought him a popsicle, and he had half of it then proceeded to drop it into the trash can. I, of course, wouldn't let him dig it back out to eat, so that provoked a screaming and crying fit. The nurse brought in another one, but no, he didn't want that one. He wanted the one in the trashcan.
The boys are already bathed and had their dinner and it's only 6:10 pm so I'm hoping to get them in bed very soon and I'm hoping we actually get to sleep tonight......but I'm not holding my breath.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Master Cleanse Day 1
Here's the why, and what of the Cleanse:
WHY
I was looking up information on colon cleanses and detox systems online when I came across the Master Cleanse. It was something I could do myself, was inexpensive and has been around for many years with thousands upon thousands having success with it. This may be TMI, but I have been constipated since the day I was born, literally. At the worst, I had once monthly movements. Yea, not good. It's not that bad now, but I was starting to get desperate and that's why I was looking up the info to begin with. I discovered an added bonus, however while reading testimonials and watching youtube vlogs: People lose weight on this thing! Woo-hoo! I can handle that. lol! We actually started a 100 days of real food pledge a few weeks ago, and I really like the idea of detoxing and purging all the nasty stuff we've been eating in the past as we're still in the beginning stages of our pledge. So my goals are cleansing, detoxing and weight loss.
WHAT
The Master Cleanse is a detox/fast diet. I drink an herbal senna tea in the morning and evening and eat nothing! Crazy, I know. The main part of the detox is the lemon juice I mix up. It's fresh lemon juice, maple syrup (to keep up my caloric intake) and cayenne pepper. That's it. It's really yummy! I'm a big fan of spicy foods, so I made my lemon juice a little on the hot side. Actually, a lot on the hot side. It tastes like a fiery lemonade. Love it! We use organic maple syrup grade b, and it has a lot of vitamins and minerals in it so with that plus the calories, my body is still getting what it needs just in liquid form.
The Cleanse recommends a minimum of 10 days and max of 45. My goal is to take it 10 days at a time. After the first 10 days if I feel like I'm done, I'll be done. If I feel like I need to keep up the detox, I'll keep going.
Our chiropractor said that I'd be surprised how even if I didn't start this as a spiritual fast, it will become spiritual. I believe God made our bodies to connect better with the spirit when fasting. Think about it - God asked the Jews to fast on a regular basis so it would be good for us to do now as well! So, I am committing to spend a good portion of time in quiet time and studying during this fast. I'm focusing on praying for our church. I sense discouragement and hopelessness creeping in to our tiny congregation. I particularly want to petition the Lord for spiritual growth within the hearts of every member and a renewed passion for the Great Commission. Part of praying for my church is praying for my husband. So I'm going to also focus on lifting Jeremy up. That God would protect is heart from discouragement and compromise.
So that's it! I'll try to update every couple of days so you can help me track my success. Oh, my weight....hmmmm.....actually don't have a scale right now but if it's the same it's been for months....I'm probably about 150 lbs. Hopefully that will go down. We'd love to have another baby and it's hard for us with my PCOS. BUT my PCOS symptoms get a ton better as I lose weight so here's to happy baby thoughts. Lol!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
My Purse Has Holes!!
So this morning, I get up and think, I want to read something different today.
So instead of going with the book of the Bible I've been reading from, I picked up my old Teen Study Bible. My sweet grandmother gave me this Bible when I was 13, and I chose it because before each book, there's a brief description of what the book is about and how it applies to our life. I chose to read Haggai.
We don't notice little bitty Haggai very often, but today the Holy Spirit used itty bitty Haggai to show me something BIG.
Don't you love that about our LORD?!?! So exciting and humbling!
The sermons recorded in Haggai were preached in 520 BC but thanks to the Living Breathing Word of God, the message is still relevant today! So the background is that the Jews had returned from captivity in Babylon and were supposed to be rebuilding the temple. But guess what? They weren't fulfilling their calling. And this is what happened: Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, buat are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." 1:5,6
Man, oh, man! I feel like this all the time! I'm working away, but have little to show for it. Do you ever feel like this? I especially identify with the holey purse! The people of God heard Haggai's message and responded in obedience to the Lord. They began to once again rebuild the temple and in chapter 2, verse 19, God says, "From this day on, I will bless you." WHOA!! What an awesome thing to hear from the Lord. From this day on, I will bless you. You want to know what really happened? The holey purse became a holy purse.
You see, the Jews were investing all their time and energy in their own homes, but were neglecting the house of the Lord.
I am so guilty of this, my friend!
I wonder what my little church would look like if I invested as much energy and sacrifice into building up the temple (which for us, is the people of God) as I do for my home and family.
Maybe the problem with my holey purse, is that my goal for filling it is so provide wealth and security for my family. Maybe I need a holy purse that seeks to invest in the kingdom of heaven and in the people of God. It's a priorities thing. How many times have I cut back on my tithes so that I have more money for another part of my budget? Just being honest, people. I'm ashamed to admit that God does not often get my firstfruits.
In doing what I think is just common sense, am I dooming myself to a holey purse? Not saying that God always blesses financially for obedience, but it doesn't really matter does it? I teach my boys that obedience is the most important thing. Maybe I need to learn that lesson myself. This morning my prayer is to bring out the holy purse, and toss out the one with all the holes.
So instead of going with the book of the Bible I've been reading from, I picked up my old Teen Study Bible. My sweet grandmother gave me this Bible when I was 13, and I chose it because before each book, there's a brief description of what the book is about and how it applies to our life. I chose to read Haggai.
We don't notice little bitty Haggai very often, but today the Holy Spirit used itty bitty Haggai to show me something BIG.
Don't you love that about our LORD?!?! So exciting and humbling!
The sermons recorded in Haggai were preached in 520 BC but thanks to the Living Breathing Word of God, the message is still relevant today! So the background is that the Jews had returned from captivity in Babylon and were supposed to be rebuilding the temple. But guess what? They weren't fulfilling their calling. And this is what happened: Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, buat are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." 1:5,6
Man, oh, man! I feel like this all the time! I'm working away, but have little to show for it. Do you ever feel like this? I especially identify with the holey purse! The people of God heard Haggai's message and responded in obedience to the Lord. They began to once again rebuild the temple and in chapter 2, verse 19, God says, "From this day on, I will bless you." WHOA!! What an awesome thing to hear from the Lord. From this day on, I will bless you. You want to know what really happened? The holey purse became a holy purse.
You see, the Jews were investing all their time and energy in their own homes, but were neglecting the house of the Lord.
I am so guilty of this, my friend!
I wonder what my little church would look like if I invested as much energy and sacrifice into building up the temple (which for us, is the people of God) as I do for my home and family.
Maybe the problem with my holey purse, is that my goal for filling it is so provide wealth and security for my family. Maybe I need a holy purse that seeks to invest in the kingdom of heaven and in the people of God. It's a priorities thing. How many times have I cut back on my tithes so that I have more money for another part of my budget? Just being honest, people. I'm ashamed to admit that God does not often get my firstfruits.
In doing what I think is just common sense, am I dooming myself to a holey purse? Not saying that God always blesses financially for obedience, but it doesn't really matter does it? I teach my boys that obedience is the most important thing. Maybe I need to learn that lesson myself. This morning my prayer is to bring out the holy purse, and toss out the one with all the holes.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Are you Dissatisfied?
On my way home from church tonight, I was thinking about how much God has been teaching me here of late. And I was overcome with a feeling of humility and sense of His grace! Something He brought to my attention this evening was huge for me, and I want to share it with you.
The mother of our sin - Eve. When I think of her, I feel respect and frustration. Respect, because she was the first woman, first wife, first to bear and deliver children, and first female to walk with God. Frustration because of the sinful nature I inherited through her.
Do you know what was at the root of Eve's sin?
She was dissatisfied. She was discontent with the perfect life she was living.
Satan watered that seed of discontent and watched it bloom into sin. Then our Creator was grieved to see the reaping of death in human life.
What about you, oh woman of God? Are you dissatisfied with your life? Are you discontent with the calling God has placed on you as a woman? We think, how foolish, Eve! How foolish of you to have the gall to want more, when you had it all! We have also been blessed beyond measure to abide in this season of God's grace, yet we dare to crave more.
Let me say, that discontent can be a positive thing! We have to become dissatisfied with our sin, before we can grow spiritually. And we should always long to "know more of Christ and His resurrection." But you know the difference, don't you?
Ladies, we have such a high calling to be keepers of our homes and families! Beware of dissatisfaction with your calling, because Satan will also water that seed in your heart, just as he did in Eve's. And look at the consequences of Eve's discontent! I read a quote from a letter written during the Civil War. Apparently, it was a common theme of the time: "There is safety in duty." We've lost that idea in our modern America. The safest place for you and your family to be is fulfilling your calling and duty. This takes SO MUCH maturity and selflessness! I fail on a daily basis! But I am thankful for the Lord's warning to my heart this evening.
Dissatisfaction breeds sin. Discontent breeds sorrow. My calling in my home provides safety. Safety in the will of God and in the shadow of His wings. That's where I want to be!
The mother of our sin - Eve. When I think of her, I feel respect and frustration. Respect, because she was the first woman, first wife, first to bear and deliver children, and first female to walk with God. Frustration because of the sinful nature I inherited through her.
Do you know what was at the root of Eve's sin?
She was dissatisfied. She was discontent with the perfect life she was living.
Satan watered that seed of discontent and watched it bloom into sin. Then our Creator was grieved to see the reaping of death in human life.
What about you, oh woman of God? Are you dissatisfied with your life? Are you discontent with the calling God has placed on you as a woman? We think, how foolish, Eve! How foolish of you to have the gall to want more, when you had it all! We have also been blessed beyond measure to abide in this season of God's grace, yet we dare to crave more.
Let me say, that discontent can be a positive thing! We have to become dissatisfied with our sin, before we can grow spiritually. And we should always long to "know more of Christ and His resurrection." But you know the difference, don't you?
Ladies, we have such a high calling to be keepers of our homes and families! Beware of dissatisfaction with your calling, because Satan will also water that seed in your heart, just as he did in Eve's. And look at the consequences of Eve's discontent! I read a quote from a letter written during the Civil War. Apparently, it was a common theme of the time: "There is safety in duty." We've lost that idea in our modern America. The safest place for you and your family to be is fulfilling your calling and duty. This takes SO MUCH maturity and selflessness! I fail on a daily basis! But I am thankful for the Lord's warning to my heart this evening.
Dissatisfaction breeds sin. Discontent breeds sorrow. My calling in my home provides safety. Safety in the will of God and in the shadow of His wings. That's where I want to be!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Lessons from the Lord
I know it's been a really long time since I've blogged, but if you recall my last post, I was telling you how I've gotten fed up with the clutter in our home, and I have been busy as a bee lately as I work on decluttering the house. It's been a chore, to say the least! I've had a few blog ideas this last month but just haven't had the opportunity to sit down and write. But this week, the Lord really hit me with something and I felt so convicted. And as this issue applies to me as a mother, I knew that it was a lesson I had to pass on to all my friends who are also mothers. So before you read on, I would like you to stop and ask the Holy Spirit to search your own heart and see if this is an area you need to work on as well. Okay! Here goes!
I have begun making a short to-do list for myself each morning during my quiet time. Usually, there are only four or five items I'd like to do for the day and every available moment, I'm rushing to accomplish something from my list. So one day this week, the kids were playing quietly in the living room and I thought I'd try and do a few dishes from lunch. As I'm frantically washing as quickly as I can, splasing water all over the place (I can't wash dishes without looking like I've been dunked in a pool lol!), Isaac comes in. Immediately, I think, "I've only washed a few dishes! I hope he doesn't really need anything because I'd like to get some more done." Well, his request is that I come play with him. As I pause, debating on whether I want to wash more dishes or go play in the floor with my sons and little friends, The Lord hit me over the head with something. (He tends to like doing that, cause He does it all the time!) I literally, physically, felt myself slump as the Holy Spirit taught me a valuable lesson. I have had the attitude that these requests are interruptions to my day. My day is on that to-do list and I'm desparate for everything to be marked off before the end of my work day. But I have been oh-so-wrong! Isaac is not an interruption to my day - he IS my day! He, and Jeremy and Noah, along with any other friends I may be enjoying that day, THEY are why I'm doing this list. They are the most important reason why I have this home to care for and dishes to wash. Those times I get to run off and work on my list, those are the exceptions and interruptions to my day. My day is my children and my family.
As I dried my hands to go play with my kids, the Lord brought another thought to my mind. As parents, we would willingly give our lives for our children. But are we willing to give our days, our hours, our minutes to them? This is how we show them our love.
My prayer is that I would stay humble before my children. That I would never belittle them just because I can, or that I never admit my mistakes to them just because I'm the parent and I shouldn't have to do that. They need to see that my love for them is bigger than anything else. BECAUSE, in showing love to them, I am showing them the Father. My greatest goal for my boys is that I can one day introduce them to their Savior, and everything that I do in my day should be working toward that goal. Even if it means putting aside that to-do list, getting in the floor and building a tower just to knock it over. THIS is my day, this is my life.
I have begun making a short to-do list for myself each morning during my quiet time. Usually, there are only four or five items I'd like to do for the day and every available moment, I'm rushing to accomplish something from my list. So one day this week, the kids were playing quietly in the living room and I thought I'd try and do a few dishes from lunch. As I'm frantically washing as quickly as I can, splasing water all over the place (I can't wash dishes without looking like I've been dunked in a pool lol!), Isaac comes in. Immediately, I think, "I've only washed a few dishes! I hope he doesn't really need anything because I'd like to get some more done." Well, his request is that I come play with him. As I pause, debating on whether I want to wash more dishes or go play in the floor with my sons and little friends, The Lord hit me over the head with something. (He tends to like doing that, cause He does it all the time!) I literally, physically, felt myself slump as the Holy Spirit taught me a valuable lesson. I have had the attitude that these requests are interruptions to my day. My day is on that to-do list and I'm desparate for everything to be marked off before the end of my work day. But I have been oh-so-wrong! Isaac is not an interruption to my day - he IS my day! He, and Jeremy and Noah, along with any other friends I may be enjoying that day, THEY are why I'm doing this list. They are the most important reason why I have this home to care for and dishes to wash. Those times I get to run off and work on my list, those are the exceptions and interruptions to my day. My day is my children and my family.
As I dried my hands to go play with my kids, the Lord brought another thought to my mind. As parents, we would willingly give our lives for our children. But are we willing to give our days, our hours, our minutes to them? This is how we show them our love.
My prayer is that I would stay humble before my children. That I would never belittle them just because I can, or that I never admit my mistakes to them just because I'm the parent and I shouldn't have to do that. They need to see that my love for them is bigger than anything else. BECAUSE, in showing love to them, I am showing them the Father. My greatest goal for my boys is that I can one day introduce them to their Savior, and everything that I do in my day should be working toward that goal. Even if it means putting aside that to-do list, getting in the floor and building a tower just to knock it over. THIS is my day, this is my life.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Clearing Out and Cleaning Up!
This week I finally reached my limit on the clutter in our home. For some reason, it hasn't really hit me before that part of the reason our house stays a mess is because we have so many things that don't have a place to be put. So we end up with toys overflowing and books overflowing, clothes piled in every corner because there is no room left in the closets and drawers. Even our cabinet in overflowing because there's too much in there that's been in there for months and not been used. It finally struck me that enjoying our home and allowing it to be a peaceful, restful refuge from the craziness of our lives, is SOOOO much more important than any of this "stuff." This mama's sanity is more important that all this stuff. So I am drastically downsizing toys and clothes. I have enough clothes for three people (all of different sizes lol!) and the boys have enough clothes for ten kids at least! I am not exaggerating! It's absolutely ridiculous. Even Jeremy has a closet of clothes that I've not seen him wear since we were dating so I'm positive that someone else could enjoy those clothes and get more use out of them than he does.
And isn't it just like the Holy Spirit to take a lesson I'm learning in my practical life and apply it to my spiritual life? =) I've started a Bible study by Elizabeth George called Loving God With All Your Mind. In the beginning of the book, she reveals something that taught her alot as a young mom and pastor's wife. She was memorizing Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true..... think on these things." This first phrase really caught her and she began to think about all the things she allowed her mind to dwell on throughout the day that were not true, the truth from God's word opposing lies, and what is real. No more assumptions or gossip within our relationships with others. No more allowing feelings and the rational mind to come before the truth of God's Word about who He is, who we are in Him and our relationships with others within the body of Christ and outside the body of Christ. So the idea of cleaning out my mind and heart started flitting around in my thoughts. Then during Jeremy's sermon last week we were in Ephesians 4 and as I read down I came across verses 14 and 15 - "So then, we may no longer be children, tossed [like ships] to and fro between chance gusts of teaching and wavering with every changing wind of doctrine, [the prey of] the cunning and cleverness of unscrupulous (literally, dice-playing) men, [gamblers engaged] in every shifting form of trickery in inventing errors to mislead. Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)." There again the Holy Spirit was leading me to this idea of living only in truth. When you think of gamblers, you think of someone who bets there life on chance, losing money, and sometimes life, on the off-chance that that card or that die comes up the way they want it. That is a great example of our lives when we are failing to live and walk in truth. We are creating and sustaining relationships, establishing families, working careers, and even going to church based on untruths. Our lives are too precious to be wrong about God and His Word. When we are not living and thinking on what is true, we're gambling with our own lives. A friend of mine shared with me that she has been working on speaking the truth recently and that it almost a mantra for her as she is at her workplace. I truly believe that the Lord is working in our little church and in the hearts of our people to clean out the clutter, all the untruths, that we allow to creep into our days. I so often allow my emotions and feelings to determine my speech and my daily life, instead of the truth of God's Word and the "real" of my life. What is "real" for me is that I have a husband who is a pastor that needs my constant encouragement and help. I have two young boys who are looking to me to train them in the ways of the Lord. I have several other young lives who look to me for their daily needs and for me to be their playmate and protector. I have a home that the Lord has so graciously provided us with, that needs to be maintained daily. These are the things that are real and true in my life and everything else, along with the rest of the junk in my house, has got to go. These things have robbed us of our joy long enough and I am DONE!
And isn't it just like the Holy Spirit to take a lesson I'm learning in my practical life and apply it to my spiritual life? =) I've started a Bible study by Elizabeth George called Loving God With All Your Mind. In the beginning of the book, she reveals something that taught her alot as a young mom and pastor's wife. She was memorizing Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true..... think on these things." This first phrase really caught her and she began to think about all the things she allowed her mind to dwell on throughout the day that were not true, the truth from God's word opposing lies, and what is real. No more assumptions or gossip within our relationships with others. No more allowing feelings and the rational mind to come before the truth of God's Word about who He is, who we are in Him and our relationships with others within the body of Christ and outside the body of Christ. So the idea of cleaning out my mind and heart started flitting around in my thoughts. Then during Jeremy's sermon last week we were in Ephesians 4 and as I read down I came across verses 14 and 15 - "So then, we may no longer be children, tossed [like ships] to and fro between chance gusts of teaching and wavering with every changing wind of doctrine, [the prey of] the cunning and cleverness of unscrupulous (literally, dice-playing) men, [gamblers engaged] in every shifting form of trickery in inventing errors to mislead. Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)." There again the Holy Spirit was leading me to this idea of living only in truth. When you think of gamblers, you think of someone who bets there life on chance, losing money, and sometimes life, on the off-chance that that card or that die comes up the way they want it. That is a great example of our lives when we are failing to live and walk in truth. We are creating and sustaining relationships, establishing families, working careers, and even going to church based on untruths. Our lives are too precious to be wrong about God and His Word. When we are not living and thinking on what is true, we're gambling with our own lives. A friend of mine shared with me that she has been working on speaking the truth recently and that it almost a mantra for her as she is at her workplace. I truly believe that the Lord is working in our little church and in the hearts of our people to clean out the clutter, all the untruths, that we allow to creep into our days. I so often allow my emotions and feelings to determine my speech and my daily life, instead of the truth of God's Word and the "real" of my life. What is "real" for me is that I have a husband who is a pastor that needs my constant encouragement and help. I have two young boys who are looking to me to train them in the ways of the Lord. I have several other young lives who look to me for their daily needs and for me to be their playmate and protector. I have a home that the Lord has so graciously provided us with, that needs to be maintained daily. These are the things that are real and true in my life and everything else, along with the rest of the junk in my house, has got to go. These things have robbed us of our joy long enough and I am DONE!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Prayer for my Birthday Boy
Oh, God, I ask your blessings on little Noah's life. I thank you for the loving, joyful spirit you have given him and I ask that as he grows, his daddy and I can encourage those Christlike character traits in him and teach him how to use his gifts for Your glory. I pray that you would take his little life in your hands and guide his steps, Lord. Help us to teach him Your ways as we go about our days, that we would point out Your Hand in creation, our blessings, and our trials. I pray that we would live victorious lives before him so that he can see as a young child that You are bigger than any trouble we as a family may face, and that You always guide our lives toward Your own glory. Lord, I ask that he would grow to be happy and that he would understand the true meaning of happiness - a life totally surrendered to his Maker and King. Help Jeremy and I to lay his life before you, God, and give us the grace to accept the hard times that you may bring into his life and the joy to celebrate the good times. I pray for the man he will one day become and the family he one day will lead, if it be Your will. May we train him for that day of service for our Lord. Thank you, for the blessing of being a mama to this sweet baby boy and for the celebration of his life in our family. Amen.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Happy Birthday, Noah!
We celebrated my baby's first birthday yesterday! Noah will be one May 26 and I cannot believe how this year has flown by so very quickly. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday and I feel so blessed to be this happy little guy's mama. I love you, Noah!
I thought I would share his birth story today. I was so thankful to the Lord for that day!
At 34 weeks, I was diagnosed with toxemia and put on partial bed rest. It was such a tough time for our family as I continued to keep my daycare open while visiting high risk ob/gyn's at UT, turning in lab work, doing stress tests and ultrasounds three times a week. We were thankful that Noah continued to grow well throughout this whole process and at 38 weeks, my midwife finally said that we had done enough and that baby Noah would be perfectly fine if he were born now. We determined on Monday's visit that we would induce the upcoming weekend. I remember telling her that I wished I could record myself praying for a natural labor and delivery and have it play around the clock because every time I breathed, I was praying. I had been induced with Isaac and I really didn't want to have to go that route again.
But then Tuesday night as I was getting ready for bed, I felt like tonight was the night. I had been having Braxton Hicks for 4 months but something just had felt different that day. I didn't say anything to Jeremy for fear of being wrong. =) {It's called pride, people, and it can get ugly}
We went to bed around 11:00 and I was awoken at 1:30 with what I thought were more Braxton Hicks. But I just couldn't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. I started getting butterflies in my stomach - could this be it?! I gave up on sleeping and got up to watch TV and time contractions. Well, what do you know? They were 7 min. apart for half an hour, 6 min. apart for half an hour, then I got down to 5 minutes apart. But I wasn't in any pain so I decided to experiment and see if the contractions were maybe just false labor. I took a long shower. Still contracting. I ate a bowl of cereal. Still contracting. I remember thinking, is the Lord really answering my prayer of a natural labor!?!?! Oh, me of little faith. =) After eating, I timed my contractions again. They were not really consistent but were increasing in intensity. It was about 5 a.m. and I really wanted to walk but didn't want to go by myself so I woke up my sister, Hannah. Hannah had flown in from WI to help me about four weeks earlier. I told her that I was pretty sure I was in labor and would she mind to go walk with me. I've never seen Hannah get out of bed and dressed that fast! haha! She was so excited! So we stepped out into a foggy, cool morning for a walk. At first, i was walking through the contractions only slowing down during a contraction. But then I got to where I would actually say aloud, "Keep walking, keep walking, keep....nope. gotta stop." And we'd stop while I swayed through the contraction which felt wonderful because I was already starting with back labor. I still couldn't believe that this was happening and i wanted to change that recording from please Lord, please Lord, please Lord, to THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD!
So anyway, as we're walking, we smell the BBQ starting up at Bread of Heaven, and it surely did smell heavenly! So Hannah and I decided to go to Hardee's for biscuits. That was NOT a smart idea! I did fine on the way there but on the way back we had a little incident. =) We were stopped at a red light when a contraction hit. The pressure was so intense that I couldn't lift my foot from the brake! The people behind me waited so patiently and didn't even honk as I couldn't move until the contraction let up.
Well, we got home in one piece and I woke up Jeremy to let him know that he wouldn't be going to work today and he needed to get up. I must not have sounded urgent or nervous because he just calmly walked off to the shower. I was left thinking, okay, that's okay. I'll be fine for another 30 minutes but then the contractions were about four minutes apart lasting a minute and my back was really beginning to hurt. So when he came out of the shower and started to fix breakfast I kind of flipped! I was like, forget breakfast! Take me to the birth center! =) So after taking one last photo as a family of three we headed off.
All the way to the birth center I felt like I was breathing thank you's to the Lord for this experience and that it had started naturally.
Once at the birthing center, I really felt best leaning on the back of a chair and swaying back and forth. Man did my back hurt! My tummy really didn't hurt at all, I just was feeling the intense tightening. My midwife checked me and I was almost halfway there at 4cm and 50% effaced. Yay!
We headed to the hospital where we learned that every pregnant woman in Knox County was also having her baby on May 26, and I would have to labor in triage with other women. Woo-hoo! Around 11:30, I was really feeling the pain and was blowing like a whale through the contractions. =) I had now been in active labor for 3 hours and Isaac had been born after 5 hours so I was fixing to get a little upset about not being in a room and not having been checked to see how I was progressing. Just as it was about to get ugly, they took me to my room. hallelujah! I was so excited I crossed the whole floor in the middle of a contraction. I just wanted to have some privacy and my own room! Once in my room, my midwife brought in the birthing ball. I LOVED THAT BIRTHING BALL! It really helped remind me to keep my body open and relaxed as a gently rolled on the ball. I had started making some vocalizations through the contractions, just letting my jaw open loosely. I would actually find myself smiling after a contraction! I visualized each contraction as a wave and as one would start I would think, "Okay, baby. We're gonna ride another one together. Ready? Here we go!" It was painful, of course, but keeping my whole body, included jaw open and loose made the contractions so much more manageable. Then I noticed that the sound was changing to a pushing or grunting noise even though I didn't feel like pushing. Addy, my midwife, checked me and sure enough, I was 7 cm and 95% effaced. That meant that I was in transition. I firmly believe that someone needs to come up for another term for this phase of labor. Transition seems to be such a gentle word and this phase is in no way gentle! In fact, I began to lose control of the pain. I quickly progressed to completely dilated and effaced and the pain was unimaginable. I remembered with Isaac that I had felt my body pushing whether I wanted to or not and pushing had actually relieved most of the pain. But it was nothing like that with Noah. He was trying to come out "sunny-side-up" or face up. That means that the largest part of his head had to work through the pelvis first, instead of the smallest part pushing through. So that was the reason for the horrible back labor and why pushing made me feel like my hips were ripping apart. The "vocalizations" quickly turned into screams and I apologize now to all my family that were witnessing Noah's birth. =) I had started half-heartedly pushing around 12:50 and at 1:30 Addy looked at me and said, "Rachel, it's time. You need to push this baby and he needs to be born. Push now." That's all it took, I started pushing through the pain. It was like my brain was so fogged with pain that I couldn't make that decision to push through by myself and I just needed someone else to take charge and tell me what to do. At 1:45pm on May 26, 2011, Noah Jackson Lane made his entrance into the world, my arms, and our hearts! I loved that slimy, stinky thing from the moment I laid eyes on him and that love has grown by leaps and bounds this year as I've had the privilege of watching him grow.
I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose - her method of childbirth that is. BUT, you can never have a bonding experience with your child like labor. The more you can be present in the moment and feeling everything your baby feels, the stronger that experience is. When I let go of my fear and embraced the "waves," I was able to experience the most amazing sensation a woman can have. The joy of feeling her little one fight his way out of the womb to meet his mommy. Nothing can compare.
Happy Birthday, Noah! Your mama loves you so very, very much!
I thought I would share his birth story today. I was so thankful to the Lord for that day!
At 34 weeks, I was diagnosed with toxemia and put on partial bed rest. It was such a tough time for our family as I continued to keep my daycare open while visiting high risk ob/gyn's at UT, turning in lab work, doing stress tests and ultrasounds three times a week. We were thankful that Noah continued to grow well throughout this whole process and at 38 weeks, my midwife finally said that we had done enough and that baby Noah would be perfectly fine if he were born now. We determined on Monday's visit that we would induce the upcoming weekend. I remember telling her that I wished I could record myself praying for a natural labor and delivery and have it play around the clock because every time I breathed, I was praying. I had been induced with Isaac and I really didn't want to have to go that route again.
But then Tuesday night as I was getting ready for bed, I felt like tonight was the night. I had been having Braxton Hicks for 4 months but something just had felt different that day. I didn't say anything to Jeremy for fear of being wrong. =) {It's called pride, people, and it can get ugly}
We went to bed around 11:00 and I was awoken at 1:30 with what I thought were more Braxton Hicks. But I just couldn't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. I started getting butterflies in my stomach - could this be it?! I gave up on sleeping and got up to watch TV and time contractions. Well, what do you know? They were 7 min. apart for half an hour, 6 min. apart for half an hour, then I got down to 5 minutes apart. But I wasn't in any pain so I decided to experiment and see if the contractions were maybe just false labor. I took a long shower. Still contracting. I ate a bowl of cereal. Still contracting. I remember thinking, is the Lord really answering my prayer of a natural labor!?!?! Oh, me of little faith. =) After eating, I timed my contractions again. They were not really consistent but were increasing in intensity. It was about 5 a.m. and I really wanted to walk but didn't want to go by myself so I woke up my sister, Hannah. Hannah had flown in from WI to help me about four weeks earlier. I told her that I was pretty sure I was in labor and would she mind to go walk with me. I've never seen Hannah get out of bed and dressed that fast! haha! She was so excited! So we stepped out into a foggy, cool morning for a walk. At first, i was walking through the contractions only slowing down during a contraction. But then I got to where I would actually say aloud, "Keep walking, keep walking, keep....nope. gotta stop." And we'd stop while I swayed through the contraction which felt wonderful because I was already starting with back labor. I still couldn't believe that this was happening and i wanted to change that recording from please Lord, please Lord, please Lord, to THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD!
So anyway, as we're walking, we smell the BBQ starting up at Bread of Heaven, and it surely did smell heavenly! So Hannah and I decided to go to Hardee's for biscuits. That was NOT a smart idea! I did fine on the way there but on the way back we had a little incident. =) We were stopped at a red light when a contraction hit. The pressure was so intense that I couldn't lift my foot from the brake! The people behind me waited so patiently and didn't even honk as I couldn't move until the contraction let up.
Well, we got home in one piece and I woke up Jeremy to let him know that he wouldn't be going to work today and he needed to get up. I must not have sounded urgent or nervous because he just calmly walked off to the shower. I was left thinking, okay, that's okay. I'll be fine for another 30 minutes but then the contractions were about four minutes apart lasting a minute and my back was really beginning to hurt. So when he came out of the shower and started to fix breakfast I kind of flipped! I was like, forget breakfast! Take me to the birth center! =) So after taking one last photo as a family of three we headed off.
All the way to the birth center I felt like I was breathing thank you's to the Lord for this experience and that it had started naturally.
Once at the birthing center, I really felt best leaning on the back of a chair and swaying back and forth. Man did my back hurt! My tummy really didn't hurt at all, I just was feeling the intense tightening. My midwife checked me and I was almost halfway there at 4cm and 50% effaced. Yay!
We headed to the hospital where we learned that every pregnant woman in Knox County was also having her baby on May 26, and I would have to labor in triage with other women. Woo-hoo! Around 11:30, I was really feeling the pain and was blowing like a whale through the contractions. =) I had now been in active labor for 3 hours and Isaac had been born after 5 hours so I was fixing to get a little upset about not being in a room and not having been checked to see how I was progressing. Just as it was about to get ugly, they took me to my room. hallelujah! I was so excited I crossed the whole floor in the middle of a contraction. I just wanted to have some privacy and my own room! Once in my room, my midwife brought in the birthing ball. I LOVED THAT BIRTHING BALL! It really helped remind me to keep my body open and relaxed as a gently rolled on the ball. I had started making some vocalizations through the contractions, just letting my jaw open loosely. I would actually find myself smiling after a contraction! I visualized each contraction as a wave and as one would start I would think, "Okay, baby. We're gonna ride another one together. Ready? Here we go!" It was painful, of course, but keeping my whole body, included jaw open and loose made the contractions so much more manageable. Then I noticed that the sound was changing to a pushing or grunting noise even though I didn't feel like pushing. Addy, my midwife, checked me and sure enough, I was 7 cm and 95% effaced. That meant that I was in transition. I firmly believe that someone needs to come up for another term for this phase of labor. Transition seems to be such a gentle word and this phase is in no way gentle! In fact, I began to lose control of the pain. I quickly progressed to completely dilated and effaced and the pain was unimaginable. I remembered with Isaac that I had felt my body pushing whether I wanted to or not and pushing had actually relieved most of the pain. But it was nothing like that with Noah. He was trying to come out "sunny-side-up" or face up. That means that the largest part of his head had to work through the pelvis first, instead of the smallest part pushing through. So that was the reason for the horrible back labor and why pushing made me feel like my hips were ripping apart. The "vocalizations" quickly turned into screams and I apologize now to all my family that were witnessing Noah's birth. =) I had started half-heartedly pushing around 12:50 and at 1:30 Addy looked at me and said, "Rachel, it's time. You need to push this baby and he needs to be born. Push now." That's all it took, I started pushing through the pain. It was like my brain was so fogged with pain that I couldn't make that decision to push through by myself and I just needed someone else to take charge and tell me what to do. At 1:45pm on May 26, 2011, Noah Jackson Lane made his entrance into the world, my arms, and our hearts! I loved that slimy, stinky thing from the moment I laid eyes on him and that love has grown by leaps and bounds this year as I've had the privilege of watching him grow.
I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose - her method of childbirth that is. BUT, you can never have a bonding experience with your child like labor. The more you can be present in the moment and feeling everything your baby feels, the stronger that experience is. When I let go of my fear and embraced the "waves," I was able to experience the most amazing sensation a woman can have. The joy of feeling her little one fight his way out of the womb to meet his mommy. Nothing can compare.
Happy Birthday, Noah! Your mama loves you so very, very much!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Seek ye first.....
Wow! The Lord is so graciously yet again reminding me of my need for Him. It has been the hardest week I've had in months. But through it all, I have had to confess my selfishness in feeling like I needed sleep more than I needed time with my Savior. Why do I allow Satan to fool me in this way? I discover that I can't be effective at anything when I'm lacking in my quiet time. My husband has really needed me to be his helpmeet lately, and I feel that I have failed him so miserably. My students have not had their typically organized and "I-have-it-all-together" Mrs. Rachel in really two months. I keep blaming it on everything - new babies, sick boys, SO MANY DEMANDS ON MY DAY! - but truly, the heart of the matter is, well, my heart. My heart has not been yearning toward Jesus Christ and His Word. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things shall be added unto you." What alot I still have to learn. {sigh}
I hear my husband on the phone right now talking to our associate pastor about how he's been really praying for God to move in our church plant and how it's interesting that the Lord's shaken us up some. In ways that would seem to be negative. We've both just been emotionally exhausted. But I truly believe that God is simply drawing us closer to Himself and reminding us that we can only rely on His strength not our own. My goodness, do we mess things up when we try to do things within our own strength. I am so thankful for the Lord's mercy toward us and how He continues to reach out to us and give us gentle reminders of our need for Him.
Please be praying for our family and our church as we desire to become more like Christ every day. And pray that the Lord would continue to bar Satan and his distractions as we move forward.
I hear my husband on the phone right now talking to our associate pastor about how he's been really praying for God to move in our church plant and how it's interesting that the Lord's shaken us up some. In ways that would seem to be negative. We've both just been emotionally exhausted. But I truly believe that God is simply drawing us closer to Himself and reminding us that we can only rely on His strength not our own. My goodness, do we mess things up when we try to do things within our own strength. I am so thankful for the Lord's mercy toward us and how He continues to reach out to us and give us gentle reminders of our need for Him.
Please be praying for our family and our church as we desire to become more like Christ every day. And pray that the Lord would continue to bar Satan and his distractions as we move forward.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
What a Day!
Surprisngly, today has been really hard! Nothing has gone according to plan and I have been made well aware that just because I'm the mama in this house doesn't mean that I have everything under control. (Of course, I knew this before but sometimes it really hits me.)
Last night, our music director's wife emailed to let us know that they had been hit with the stomach flu. As backup music "person" I began to scramble to find music for today's service. I have very little oppurtunities during the week to play the piano, and I didn't really have time to practice so I was feeling lost and overwhelmed already late last night. I finally put together a couple of songs that I knew fairly well and could do alright with less than an hour's practice time. Then I had to think about the offeratory. We usually do a piano solo or special music during this time, and I remebered a song that I had heard my cousin sing a few months ago. I remembered that I had really liked the song, but didn't really remember the melody or lyrics. So I got on good ole Youtube to do some searching. I foung the song - it's "The Secret Place" by the Booth Brothers. I listened to it over and over and over....probably 20 times trying to get the melody and words down. By the time I made it to bed last night (this morning) I couldn't get the song out of my head! Every time I slightly woke up, I'd have the words singing in my head. Very annoying. And then about 4:30, Noah woke up crying and I just brought him to our bed. The alarm was set for 5:00 so I was praying for a VERY restful 30 minutes but I did not get what I asked for. =) I started cramping. Now I don't mean normal cramping, I mean I'm about to cry cramping. It let up a little after 20 minutes, enough for me to fall back asleep, but then I kept dreaming that Jeremy was taking me to the ER for the pain. No joke, I was seriously hurting. Needless to say, I did not get up at 5:00. In fact, I did not get up til 6:30! That was some major sleeping in, and it totally threw my morning out of wack! I ended up being almost 10 minutes late to teach Sunday School but the kids were being so patient waiting with their mama!
Some of you know that I have Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is a condition where the ovaries do not completely release the egg and the egg sits just at the edge of the ovary. A cyst then forms around that egg. The malfunctioning ovary also effects hormones, disturbing the body's "normal" balance. The body begins to produce too many "male" hormones and not enough "female." There are several symptoms that are produced and none of them fun. Obesity, acne, excessive facial and body hair, male-pattern baldness, just to name a few. Thankfully I don't struggle with all the symptoms but enough to try and make my life miserable. One other annoying symptom in IRREGULAR periods. So every month that passes, I'm faced with the emotional roller coaster of, "Am I not having a period because I'm just not gonna have one this month or am I not having one because I'm pregnant?" This inner turmoil can just wear you out mentally and emotionally. So my last cycle was March 14, and for 8 days now I've had that feeling of I'm just about to start. But, nope, just my body playing tricks on me. The thing that's worried me this week is that three times during the week, I've had excrutiating pain in my ovaries and tubes. Both sides. It lasts less than an hour but it is so painful. I'm beginning to wonder of one of those little cysts may be enlarging and feeling with fluid and is causing the pain. I'm not sure, I've not really experienced a week like this before. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday to talk about treatment options for my PCOS, a lump on my breast, and something else that's a little TMI for a blog. All these things have been worrying me this week and to top it off, the boys are both getting tubes put it tomorrow morning at 7:00. I'm soooo very thankful we're getting this done but it is a little scary, too. I hope they do well.
Okay, I said all that to simply say that I was TIRED this morning. Then there was this song, bear with me I'll have to share it with for this story to continue:
My heart is like a house,
One day I let my Savior in.
There were many rooms,
where we would visit now and then.
Then one day he saw that door,
and I had feared this day would come.
So I said Jesus, I'm not ready
for us to visit in this room.
Cause there's a place in my heart
where even I don't go.
I've got some things hidden there,
I don't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
So let me in your secret place.
So I opened up that door,
and the two of us walked in.
I was so ashamed,
you see His light uncovered all my sin.
But when I think about that room now,
I don't have to be afraid
Cause my hidden sin
No longer hides behind that door!
Cause that was a place in my heart
where even I didn't go.
I had some things hidden there,
I didn't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
I let Him in my secret place.
Is there a place in your heart?
Where even you don't go?
You've got some things hidden there
You don't want no on to know.
See He's handing you the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He will make you clean,
Let Him in your secret place.
So this morning, thinking about that song as we got ready for church, I thought, I don't believe I have a "secret place" like that. Then -whamo!- the Holy Sirit did what He is so good at. He led me to that door in my heart that I pretend isn't there. And I thought, great! I am never gonna make it through this song without crying. And sure enough, I didn't. :) And I forgot the words a couple of times and made up my own. lol! But let me share with you my secret place.
Very few people know the struggle I have to keep my house clean and straightened. Very few will see it any way except clean, but for those of you who have - you know what a hard time I have in this area. It's not that I was never taught because my mother is an amazing housekeeper. But my life is nothing like hers was and I have some major time management issues. Most of the time, I don't even feel guilty about it because I don't know what to do about it. I can make a list of what I need to do every day. That's easy.
Every day:
Make beds
Wash dishes
One load of laundry (at least)
Keep toys picked up
Clean up from kids snacks and meals
Sweep living room
Mop living room
Clean front hall toilet
Clean front hall sink and mirror
Sweep front hall bathroom floor
Mop front hall bathroom floor
These things MUST be done every day because of the amount of kids who use the bathroom every day and all the kids that puke and poop on the living room floor. I used to do all these things during nap time but recently, two of my babies' have decided to take a nap at 10:30 which means that they are usually waking up when everyone else in laying down. By the time I've fed them both, changed their diapers, cleaned up from lunch and swept the floor, the big kids are waking up. Then my kids are normally all picked up by 5:45 so then I need to do supper, then it's play time with just Jeremy, me and the boys. Then it's bath time, Bible and prayer time and bed time. Noah goes to sleep easily but it usually takes Isaac about an hour to go to sleep. By the time everyone's actually asleep, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by the mess in the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry that needs to be folded and put away and I just throw up my hands and give up! I don't really know how to fix this problems except that this is a character flaw in my and I need to work on building more Christlike character traits into my daily life. But why, you say, is this your secret place? Because for one, I'm ashamed of my home and the way I keep it and I try to pretend the situation doesn't exist. And also because, I've been arrogant enough to believe that I could do it on my own strength. I guess I just have this idea that because I'm the mama, I'm supoosed to be able to handle all my responsibilities and juggle all the balls and wear all the hats without any upsets. I've NEVER looked to the Lord for help in this area in my life, and I think this morning the Lord decided I needed a mega dose of humble pie to help me realize that not only is He my only hope of salvation and eternal life, but He is my only hope for life on this life. I cannot succeed in my role as wife and mom unless I fully rely on Him. I really don't know how things are going to change but like I told the church this morning, I am so very thankful that He is my strength in my weakness, because right now I am feeling very weak. I understand that if I can do everything within my own power, then I can't glorify the Lord, only myself. So I'm choosing to glory in my weakness and rely on the power of God this week. To get me through doctor's appointments and through my daily duties.
Please pray for me, dear friends, as I struggle to present a Godly legacy for my children and my children's children.
Last night, our music director's wife emailed to let us know that they had been hit with the stomach flu. As backup music "person" I began to scramble to find music for today's service. I have very little oppurtunities during the week to play the piano, and I didn't really have time to practice so I was feeling lost and overwhelmed already late last night. I finally put together a couple of songs that I knew fairly well and could do alright with less than an hour's practice time. Then I had to think about the offeratory. We usually do a piano solo or special music during this time, and I remebered a song that I had heard my cousin sing a few months ago. I remembered that I had really liked the song, but didn't really remember the melody or lyrics. So I got on good ole Youtube to do some searching. I foung the song - it's "The Secret Place" by the Booth Brothers. I listened to it over and over and over....probably 20 times trying to get the melody and words down. By the time I made it to bed last night (this morning) I couldn't get the song out of my head! Every time I slightly woke up, I'd have the words singing in my head. Very annoying. And then about 4:30, Noah woke up crying and I just brought him to our bed. The alarm was set for 5:00 so I was praying for a VERY restful 30 minutes but I did not get what I asked for. =) I started cramping. Now I don't mean normal cramping, I mean I'm about to cry cramping. It let up a little after 20 minutes, enough for me to fall back asleep, but then I kept dreaming that Jeremy was taking me to the ER for the pain. No joke, I was seriously hurting. Needless to say, I did not get up at 5:00. In fact, I did not get up til 6:30! That was some major sleeping in, and it totally threw my morning out of wack! I ended up being almost 10 minutes late to teach Sunday School but the kids were being so patient waiting with their mama!
Some of you know that I have Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is a condition where the ovaries do not completely release the egg and the egg sits just at the edge of the ovary. A cyst then forms around that egg. The malfunctioning ovary also effects hormones, disturbing the body's "normal" balance. The body begins to produce too many "male" hormones and not enough "female." There are several symptoms that are produced and none of them fun. Obesity, acne, excessive facial and body hair, male-pattern baldness, just to name a few. Thankfully I don't struggle with all the symptoms but enough to try and make my life miserable. One other annoying symptom in IRREGULAR periods. So every month that passes, I'm faced with the emotional roller coaster of, "Am I not having a period because I'm just not gonna have one this month or am I not having one because I'm pregnant?" This inner turmoil can just wear you out mentally and emotionally. So my last cycle was March 14, and for 8 days now I've had that feeling of I'm just about to start. But, nope, just my body playing tricks on me. The thing that's worried me this week is that three times during the week, I've had excrutiating pain in my ovaries and tubes. Both sides. It lasts less than an hour but it is so painful. I'm beginning to wonder of one of those little cysts may be enlarging and feeling with fluid and is causing the pain. I'm not sure, I've not really experienced a week like this before. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday to talk about treatment options for my PCOS, a lump on my breast, and something else that's a little TMI for a blog. All these things have been worrying me this week and to top it off, the boys are both getting tubes put it tomorrow morning at 7:00. I'm soooo very thankful we're getting this done but it is a little scary, too. I hope they do well.
Okay, I said all that to simply say that I was TIRED this morning. Then there was this song, bear with me I'll have to share it with for this story to continue:
My heart is like a house,
One day I let my Savior in.
There were many rooms,
where we would visit now and then.
Then one day he saw that door,
and I had feared this day would come.
So I said Jesus, I'm not ready
for us to visit in this room.
Cause there's a place in my heart
where even I don't go.
I've got some things hidden there,
I don't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
So let me in your secret place.
So I opened up that door,
and the two of us walked in.
I was so ashamed,
you see His light uncovered all my sin.
But when I think about that room now,
I don't have to be afraid
Cause my hidden sin
No longer hides behind that door!
Cause that was a place in my heart
where even I didn't go.
I had some things hidden there,
I didn't want no one to know.
But then He handed me the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He said I want to make you clean,
I let Him in my secret place.
Is there a place in your heart?
Where even you don't go?
You've got some things hidden there
You don't want no on to know.
See He's handing you the key,
with tears of love on His face.
He will make you clean,
Let Him in your secret place.
So this morning, thinking about that song as we got ready for church, I thought, I don't believe I have a "secret place" like that. Then -whamo!- the Holy Sirit did what He is so good at. He led me to that door in my heart that I pretend isn't there. And I thought, great! I am never gonna make it through this song without crying. And sure enough, I didn't. :) And I forgot the words a couple of times and made up my own. lol! But let me share with you my secret place.
Very few people know the struggle I have to keep my house clean and straightened. Very few will see it any way except clean, but for those of you who have - you know what a hard time I have in this area. It's not that I was never taught because my mother is an amazing housekeeper. But my life is nothing like hers was and I have some major time management issues. Most of the time, I don't even feel guilty about it because I don't know what to do about it. I can make a list of what I need to do every day. That's easy.
Every day:
Make beds
Wash dishes
One load of laundry (at least)
Keep toys picked up
Clean up from kids snacks and meals
Sweep living room
Mop living room
Clean front hall toilet
Clean front hall sink and mirror
Sweep front hall bathroom floor
Mop front hall bathroom floor
These things MUST be done every day because of the amount of kids who use the bathroom every day and all the kids that puke and poop on the living room floor. I used to do all these things during nap time but recently, two of my babies' have decided to take a nap at 10:30 which means that they are usually waking up when everyone else in laying down. By the time I've fed them both, changed their diapers, cleaned up from lunch and swept the floor, the big kids are waking up. Then my kids are normally all picked up by 5:45 so then I need to do supper, then it's play time with just Jeremy, me and the boys. Then it's bath time, Bible and prayer time and bed time. Noah goes to sleep easily but it usually takes Isaac about an hour to go to sleep. By the time everyone's actually asleep, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by the mess in the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry that needs to be folded and put away and I just throw up my hands and give up! I don't really know how to fix this problems except that this is a character flaw in my and I need to work on building more Christlike character traits into my daily life. But why, you say, is this your secret place? Because for one, I'm ashamed of my home and the way I keep it and I try to pretend the situation doesn't exist. And also because, I've been arrogant enough to believe that I could do it on my own strength. I guess I just have this idea that because I'm the mama, I'm supoosed to be able to handle all my responsibilities and juggle all the balls and wear all the hats without any upsets. I've NEVER looked to the Lord for help in this area in my life, and I think this morning the Lord decided I needed a mega dose of humble pie to help me realize that not only is He my only hope of salvation and eternal life, but He is my only hope for life on this life. I cannot succeed in my role as wife and mom unless I fully rely on Him. I really don't know how things are going to change but like I told the church this morning, I am so very thankful that He is my strength in my weakness, because right now I am feeling very weak. I understand that if I can do everything within my own power, then I can't glorify the Lord, only myself. So I'm choosing to glory in my weakness and rely on the power of God this week. To get me through doctor's appointments and through my daily duties.
Please pray for me, dear friends, as I struggle to present a Godly legacy for my children and my children's children.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
I LOVE being a mother! As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mommy, and I am so blessed to be the mother of two beautiful little boys. Isaac and Noah are my little joys. There are several things that they are doing now that just warm me all over and make me so proud of the little men that they're becoming.
Isaac sometimes, (very rarely) will have a bit of a meltdown. Usually because he's tired or hungry. Not long ago, after having one of these episodes, he came to me and said, "Mommy, I okay now," then went off to play. It's like his way of saying he's sorry for crying. He's always been a serious little kid that hardly ever cried. In fact, I used to literally have to give him permission to cry after he'd been hurt. He would hold the crying in while huge tears would just pour down his cheecks. As soon as I'd say, "Baby, you can cry if you need to." Bmmmwhaaaa!!!!!!!! So sweet - he thinks he's so much bigger and tougher than he really is. He has no problems taking on kids that are four times his size either. He's the typical oldest child who was born feeling a responsibility for his home and family. And I love how much he loves his baby brother, Noah. They are so sweet together. Last Saturday, the whole family was in the bed slowly waking up. I rolled over to see Isaac and Noah cuddled up together, and Isaac was rubbing Noah's back and patting his diaper. Such a sweet big brother!
Noah seems to learn something new every day! He loves to wave and say, "Bye!" and he has started giving five. He says Mama, Dadda, Isaac, diaper, and yes. :) I am so enjoying his lovey personality. Every time I pick him up, he gives me a hug and wants to give big slobbery, snotty kisses - on the mouth, of course! I try to "turn the other cheek." Hahaha! And I'm also loving that he's a Mama's boy!!!! Yay!!!! Isaac has just in the last few months enjoyed giving me hugs, just because he's always been a Daddy's boy. It's been rewarding watching his relationship with Jeremy but I have to admit that I love having a baby that's all mama's.
The best Mother's Day gift I can think of would be time with my boys and their amazing Daddy. I know I'm with them all day but it's just not the same when my attention is being pulled toward five other little ones. I'm very thankful for every one of them as well! It's so good for my boys to learn patience and kindness. They've never been able to have what they want, when they want it. They never complain about what we're eating or what we're playing with, because they've learned early on that the world does not revolve around them. For some people, I realize that this may seem sad and that all kids should feel this way. Well, in some respects, I feel the same way. BUT, my goal for the boys is that they would grow up learning Christlike character and learning how to apply it to their lives. What better time to start that learning than at birth! I pray that they will be happy in the truest since of the word: knowing who they are in the Lord and surrendering their lives to His will. Isn't it amazing that we cannot be truly happy with ourselves and our lives until we give up our control over them?
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with these two boys and I pray that Jeremy and I would raise them to live for you and that our family would glorify you!
Happy Mother's Day!
Isaac sometimes, (very rarely) will have a bit of a meltdown. Usually because he's tired or hungry. Not long ago, after having one of these episodes, he came to me and said, "Mommy, I okay now," then went off to play. It's like his way of saying he's sorry for crying. He's always been a serious little kid that hardly ever cried. In fact, I used to literally have to give him permission to cry after he'd been hurt. He would hold the crying in while huge tears would just pour down his cheecks. As soon as I'd say, "Baby, you can cry if you need to." Bmmmwhaaaa!!!!!!!! So sweet - he thinks he's so much bigger and tougher than he really is. He has no problems taking on kids that are four times his size either. He's the typical oldest child who was born feeling a responsibility for his home and family. And I love how much he loves his baby brother, Noah. They are so sweet together. Last Saturday, the whole family was in the bed slowly waking up. I rolled over to see Isaac and Noah cuddled up together, and Isaac was rubbing Noah's back and patting his diaper. Such a sweet big brother!
Noah seems to learn something new every day! He loves to wave and say, "Bye!" and he has started giving five. He says Mama, Dadda, Isaac, diaper, and yes. :) I am so enjoying his lovey personality. Every time I pick him up, he gives me a hug and wants to give big slobbery, snotty kisses - on the mouth, of course! I try to "turn the other cheek." Hahaha! And I'm also loving that he's a Mama's boy!!!! Yay!!!! Isaac has just in the last few months enjoyed giving me hugs, just because he's always been a Daddy's boy. It's been rewarding watching his relationship with Jeremy but I have to admit that I love having a baby that's all mama's.
The best Mother's Day gift I can think of would be time with my boys and their amazing Daddy. I know I'm with them all day but it's just not the same when my attention is being pulled toward five other little ones. I'm very thankful for every one of them as well! It's so good for my boys to learn patience and kindness. They've never been able to have what they want, when they want it. They never complain about what we're eating or what we're playing with, because they've learned early on that the world does not revolve around them. For some people, I realize that this may seem sad and that all kids should feel this way. Well, in some respects, I feel the same way. BUT, my goal for the boys is that they would grow up learning Christlike character and learning how to apply it to their lives. What better time to start that learning than at birth! I pray that they will be happy in the truest since of the word: knowing who they are in the Lord and surrendering their lives to His will. Isn't it amazing that we cannot be truly happy with ourselves and our lives until we give up our control over them?
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with these two boys and I pray that Jeremy and I would raise them to live for you and that our family would glorify you!
Happy Mother's Day!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Purity of the Family
This Sunday, Jeremy preached on having a biblical view of marriage and family. He talked about how husbands should guard the purity of his wife and family in not asking them to do something against their conscience or convictions. The first thing that came to my mind when thinking of purity was modesty.
I often hear people complain about the way young girls are dressed inappropriately, and they ask, "Where is that girl's father? What in the world were her parents thinking when they let her go out that door!?" Well, let me tell you what I think the problem is. It's not so much that the father is to blame, but the mother. You see, if we as mom's tell our daughters that they can't wear such and such because it shows too much skin, then we are faced with the fact that maybe we wear things that show too much skin. A good rule for women when they are getting dressed, is to look at themselves in the mirror and say, "Would I want my daughter to wear this?"
I can already hear you saying, "Well, guys need to learn how to guard their eyes! If they are thinking sexual thoughts when they look at me then that's their problem, not mine!" I can understand unbelievers having this mindset but not the body of Christ. We have a responsibility to protect the purity of the church and that includes our Christian brothers. When you dress in a manner that causes a man to have to struggle to keep his eyes and flesh under control, then you are not protecting your brother in the Lord.
Men, do not be afraid to say, "Babe, I would love for you to wear that around the house where I can see it, but I'd rather you not wear that where other men can see you." And wives, don't be offended if your husband says something to you about the way you're dressed. Be thankful that he's willing to be obedient to God's Word and protect not only your purity but the purity of the Church.
About the whole "men should just learn to guard their eyes" argument. We know that men respond sexually to visual stimulation while women respond more to touch. So what if we allowed our sons to touch other girls inappropriately - in ways that could cause them to struggle with the lust of the flesh? Would we blame her when she responded to the boy in a sexual way? Would we say, "Well, you should learn to guard your responses. It's not the boy's fault that you were turned on when he touched you"? I think most of us as parents would be highly offended to hear that a boy treated our daughter this way. Why then do we allow our girls to parade in front of young men with more skin showing than covered? And then blame the boy for his natural responses?
This is an area that the church needs to take a stand and say, we are going to be Christlike even in our dress! Please realize that this is something I struggle with as well. I enjoy dressing in a way that draws attention. It makes me feel good about myself. But I need to be careful of crossing that line between being attractive and being immodest. A good way to do this is to ask Jeremy about what happens to my clothing when I lean over to talk to the children. Does my neckline fall open, showing more than needs to be seen? Does my hemline hike up so that you can see my thighs? He's a man. Your husband is the best resource for letting you know when something you are wearing is too revealing.
It's time for the Bride of Christ to resemble Christ more than the world in this area. And it's time for the ladies of the Church to decide that protecting their purity and the purity of the Church is more important than wanting to feel accepted by our culture.
I often hear people complain about the way young girls are dressed inappropriately, and they ask, "Where is that girl's father? What in the world were her parents thinking when they let her go out that door!?" Well, let me tell you what I think the problem is. It's not so much that the father is to blame, but the mother. You see, if we as mom's tell our daughters that they can't wear such and such because it shows too much skin, then we are faced with the fact that maybe we wear things that show too much skin. A good rule for women when they are getting dressed, is to look at themselves in the mirror and say, "Would I want my daughter to wear this?"
I can already hear you saying, "Well, guys need to learn how to guard their eyes! If they are thinking sexual thoughts when they look at me then that's their problem, not mine!" I can understand unbelievers having this mindset but not the body of Christ. We have a responsibility to protect the purity of the church and that includes our Christian brothers. When you dress in a manner that causes a man to have to struggle to keep his eyes and flesh under control, then you are not protecting your brother in the Lord.
Men, do not be afraid to say, "Babe, I would love for you to wear that around the house where I can see it, but I'd rather you not wear that where other men can see you." And wives, don't be offended if your husband says something to you about the way you're dressed. Be thankful that he's willing to be obedient to God's Word and protect not only your purity but the purity of the Church.
About the whole "men should just learn to guard their eyes" argument. We know that men respond sexually to visual stimulation while women respond more to touch. So what if we allowed our sons to touch other girls inappropriately - in ways that could cause them to struggle with the lust of the flesh? Would we blame her when she responded to the boy in a sexual way? Would we say, "Well, you should learn to guard your responses. It's not the boy's fault that you were turned on when he touched you"? I think most of us as parents would be highly offended to hear that a boy treated our daughter this way. Why then do we allow our girls to parade in front of young men with more skin showing than covered? And then blame the boy for his natural responses?
This is an area that the church needs to take a stand and say, we are going to be Christlike even in our dress! Please realize that this is something I struggle with as well. I enjoy dressing in a way that draws attention. It makes me feel good about myself. But I need to be careful of crossing that line between being attractive and being immodest. A good way to do this is to ask Jeremy about what happens to my clothing when I lean over to talk to the children. Does my neckline fall open, showing more than needs to be seen? Does my hemline hike up so that you can see my thighs? He's a man. Your husband is the best resource for letting you know when something you are wearing is too revealing.
It's time for the Bride of Christ to resemble Christ more than the world in this area. And it's time for the ladies of the Church to decide that protecting their purity and the purity of the Church is more important than wanting to feel accepted by our culture.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Confessions
Why is it that I can have almost unending patience with other people but I am so quick to be short with my husband? He is one of the three people I love most on this earth, he is so tender and patient with me, he picks up my slack, and very rarely does a day go by that he doesn't tell me how beautiful I am. I thank the Lord every day for sending me to Jeremy and for blessing our home and family.
I remember when we first started dating and the respect that I felt for him. I was so very impressed by his devotion to the Lord and his call to preach. Now that I really know him..... Just kidding. =) He's still that way. It's me that's changed.
Unfortunately, growing up I did not have a good example of a marriage relationship. My view of a wife was someone who obeyed her husband but resented him every step of the way. So I knew that wasn't right. I think I went too far to the other extreme as I became bossy and nagging. I tend to treat him as if he were the dirt underneath my shoes. I always beg for my own way, knowing how sweet and generous he is toward me. I demand that household chores and the care of our children be done my way. I'm selfish in my attitude toward him in all areas of our life together, including intimacy.
The Lord has been trying for a year now to break me down in this area, and I feel heartbroken over the person I've become. But after a few days, I find myself falling into old habits. The problem is, that the last part of my day, the last measure of my energy and patience is what is usually given to him. He gets me after I've been puked on, pooped on, bitten, run over and around by crazy (but fun) little ones. I need to concentrate on giving him the best parts of me. But how to do that? We had started a couple of months ago getting up a little earlier and having our breakfast while reading aloud the Proverb that corresponds with the day of the month. (there are 31 chapters in Proverbs) That 10-15 minutes we had together before we got the boys up for breakfast were so rewarding - quiet and intimate.
But I really believe that Satan has been setting us up for failure this year. Our boys have been sick almost non-stop since January. We've just now got our budget ballanced for the first time this year. We've been very blessed with the growth of our church plant, but it has demanded a lot of time and energy from us both. So I say all that to say that we've chosen to sleep the extra minutes in the morning instead of getting up. But I've got to decide that giving Jeremy that first part of my day, before all the craziness begins, is more important than a few more minutes of sleep.
We took a date day a couple of Saturdays ago, and it was so wonderful to talk about other things besides kids, finances and church. We had the WHOLE DAY to talk, watch movies and order pizza. On those days, I remember why I fell in love with this amazing man and why I wanted him to be the head of our family. It's when we come back to normal life that once again, I put him last on the totem pole. How I long for this cycle to change! I really believe that I need to confess before the Lord my sins committed toward Jeremy and ask for His forgiveness, then also ask for Jeremy's. I want to be his helpmeet, not the one who drags him down. I want to greet him at the door from work with a smile and kiss and a good attitude. Home should be his refuge from the storms of life, not the place he gets drenched in soaking rain and sees lightening flashing from my eyes.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Do any of you ladies feel like you could do better at respecting you husband and showing him love? If so, maybe you, too, need to cry out for forgiveness and be creative (maybe even sacrifice some of 'your' time) in thinking of ways to please your husband. It is encouraging to me to hear from you, so feel free to share with me your struggles or remedies for the challange of loving our husbands.
I remember when we first started dating and the respect that I felt for him. I was so very impressed by his devotion to the Lord and his call to preach. Now that I really know him..... Just kidding. =) He's still that way. It's me that's changed.
Unfortunately, growing up I did not have a good example of a marriage relationship. My view of a wife was someone who obeyed her husband but resented him every step of the way. So I knew that wasn't right. I think I went too far to the other extreme as I became bossy and nagging. I tend to treat him as if he were the dirt underneath my shoes. I always beg for my own way, knowing how sweet and generous he is toward me. I demand that household chores and the care of our children be done my way. I'm selfish in my attitude toward him in all areas of our life together, including intimacy.
The Lord has been trying for a year now to break me down in this area, and I feel heartbroken over the person I've become. But after a few days, I find myself falling into old habits. The problem is, that the last part of my day, the last measure of my energy and patience is what is usually given to him. He gets me after I've been puked on, pooped on, bitten, run over and around by crazy (but fun) little ones. I need to concentrate on giving him the best parts of me. But how to do that? We had started a couple of months ago getting up a little earlier and having our breakfast while reading aloud the Proverb that corresponds with the day of the month. (there are 31 chapters in Proverbs) That 10-15 minutes we had together before we got the boys up for breakfast were so rewarding - quiet and intimate.
But I really believe that Satan has been setting us up for failure this year. Our boys have been sick almost non-stop since January. We've just now got our budget ballanced for the first time this year. We've been very blessed with the growth of our church plant, but it has demanded a lot of time and energy from us both. So I say all that to say that we've chosen to sleep the extra minutes in the morning instead of getting up. But I've got to decide that giving Jeremy that first part of my day, before all the craziness begins, is more important than a few more minutes of sleep.
We took a date day a couple of Saturdays ago, and it was so wonderful to talk about other things besides kids, finances and church. We had the WHOLE DAY to talk, watch movies and order pizza. On those days, I remember why I fell in love with this amazing man and why I wanted him to be the head of our family. It's when we come back to normal life that once again, I put him last on the totem pole. How I long for this cycle to change! I really believe that I need to confess before the Lord my sins committed toward Jeremy and ask for His forgiveness, then also ask for Jeremy's. I want to be his helpmeet, not the one who drags him down. I want to greet him at the door from work with a smile and kiss and a good attitude. Home should be his refuge from the storms of life, not the place he gets drenched in soaking rain and sees lightening flashing from my eyes.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Do any of you ladies feel like you could do better at respecting you husband and showing him love? If so, maybe you, too, need to cry out for forgiveness and be creative (maybe even sacrifice some of 'your' time) in thinking of ways to please your husband. It is encouraging to me to hear from you, so feel free to share with me your struggles or remedies for the challange of loving our husbands.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I Don't Have To Be Strong
The Lord taught me a very important lesson today, and I am yet again amazed by His faithfulness and mercy. My 11 month old, Noah, has double ear infections and the poor thing was up all night last night crying, running a fever, and throwing up. I got a grand total of two hours of sleep, and those were not consecutive hours. So starting my day this morning just seemed like a daunting task and much more than I could bear. Then it's like the Lord spoke in my ear and said, "You don't have to be strong. You don't have to be energetic. Just draw everything you need from Me today." Never have I felt such a sense of peace and relief! It was okay that I was tired and feeling grumpy - I didn't have to summon strength up from within myself to get through my day. I just needed to allow the Lord to work through me today. And do you know that not once today have I felt tired or sleepy?
This little lesson I learned during the early part of my day has applied very nicely to my evening. We are under tornado warnings for the next couple of hours and have been since this afternoon. It is such a comfort to know that I don't have to drum up courage for the sake of my kids (or myself.) I'm just leaning on the Lord. It's okay to not be in control, and to feel uncomfortable and fearful. I don't draw courage from myself. I rely on the Lord for my safety and security. If I'm relying on Him, there's no need or even space for fear. I'm leaning on my Lord and casting all my cares upon Him.
This little lesson I learned during the early part of my day has applied very nicely to my evening. We are under tornado warnings for the next couple of hours and have been since this afternoon. It is such a comfort to know that I don't have to drum up courage for the sake of my kids (or myself.) I'm just leaning on the Lord. It's okay to not be in control, and to feel uncomfortable and fearful. I don't draw courage from myself. I rely on the Lord for my safety and security. If I'm relying on Him, there's no need or even space for fear. I'm leaning on my Lord and casting all my cares upon Him.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Me? Walk 60 miles? That's hilarious.
Another title could be, "Me? Fund raise $2300? Even hilariouser." (I'm pretty sure that's not a word. oh, well.) But, yes, I - Rachel Lynette Lane - am training for the Susan G. Komen 3day for a Cure. And, yes, I have committed to raising $2300 by October 21. This is all very intimidating for me, but I feel that I am up for the challenge. I am already bathing everything in prayer and claiming victory in these two challenging areas. Challenges of training - finding the time to do it! I'm commiting to about 10 hours a week for now and more to come. Challenges in fundraising - fundraising. I'm not exactly a salesperson but like I said, I'm claiming the victory and trusting in God's faithfullness.
My mama's sister and mother are both breast cancer survivors. I have another aunt and between mama and her siblings there are eleven grandaughters and three great-grandaughters. The national average is that one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. Combine that with our family history and it would be a miracle if none of us had to experience breast cancer. I actually am going for a second doctor's visit next week to check a lump I've found. So I have to say, that I am doing this walk for purely selfish reasons. I desperatly want a cure found so my family (and thousands like us) doesn't ever have to go through such an ordeal again. (Hoping that passion will help out with the fundraising. lol!)
So right now my plan is to walk 5-7 miles at least twice a week and on two consecutive days just go as far and as long as I can. Tonight I did 4.8 miles in one hour so I was kind of hoofin' it. =) Didn't go as long tonight because baby Noah is suffering from ear infections and was VERY cranky. My plan for fundraising includes the typical bake sale, car wash, yard sale. That kind of thing. But I've begun planning for a huge charity auction in Septemeber. I've got some great ideas of donations but I've just gotta get the donations in! For example: the flight school in Knoxville offers "Discovery Flights." Where you get to fly (with an instructor) over Knoxville, the Cumberland Valley, or the Smokies. I'd LOVE to get a free flying session donated from them. There is a Sugarland concert at Thompson Boling Arena in October so I'm going to contact their PR about tickets and backstage passes. Stuff like that. I've never been to a charity auction and I really have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm willing to learn so I've been reading up on the ins and outs on successful auctions.
Seems like I remember complaining a couple of days ago about being too busy and overwhelmed. I'm sure that this whole 3day thing is going to lighten my load. {dripping with sarcasm} BUT, I'm really looking forward to the challenge and I believe the Lord will have alot of lessons for me to learn throughout this proccess. BTW! If you would like to join me in this effort, let me know! I'd love to add you to our team of two. It's for a great caaauu-uussse! {singsongy}
My mama's sister and mother are both breast cancer survivors. I have another aunt and between mama and her siblings there are eleven grandaughters and three great-grandaughters. The national average is that one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. Combine that with our family history and it would be a miracle if none of us had to experience breast cancer. I actually am going for a second doctor's visit next week to check a lump I've found. So I have to say, that I am doing this walk for purely selfish reasons. I desperatly want a cure found so my family (and thousands like us) doesn't ever have to go through such an ordeal again. (Hoping that passion will help out with the fundraising. lol!)
So right now my plan is to walk 5-7 miles at least twice a week and on two consecutive days just go as far and as long as I can. Tonight I did 4.8 miles in one hour so I was kind of hoofin' it. =) Didn't go as long tonight because baby Noah is suffering from ear infections and was VERY cranky. My plan for fundraising includes the typical bake sale, car wash, yard sale. That kind of thing. But I've begun planning for a huge charity auction in Septemeber. I've got some great ideas of donations but I've just gotta get the donations in! For example: the flight school in Knoxville offers "Discovery Flights." Where you get to fly (with an instructor) over Knoxville, the Cumberland Valley, or the Smokies. I'd LOVE to get a free flying session donated from them. There is a Sugarland concert at Thompson Boling Arena in October so I'm going to contact their PR about tickets and backstage passes. Stuff like that. I've never been to a charity auction and I really have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm willing to learn so I've been reading up on the ins and outs on successful auctions.
Seems like I remember complaining a couple of days ago about being too busy and overwhelmed. I'm sure that this whole 3day thing is going to lighten my load. {dripping with sarcasm} BUT, I'm really looking forward to the challenge and I believe the Lord will have alot of lessons for me to learn throughout this proccess. BTW! If you would like to join me in this effort, let me know! I'd love to add you to our team of two. It's for a great caaauu-uussse! {singsongy}
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